My sister suffers from severe anxiety and maybe bipolar and has been medicated since she was 17. She is now 48. I am 51. She has seen many psychologists over the years and has had many episodes over the years. She is high up in the world of finance and is very clever. There are times when she takes time out from work for mental health. She is involved in many pursuits such as competitive hockey and sailing. She feels her problems stemmed from our very strict and often stifling upbringing and she may be correct. She doesn’t present well and is unkept and won’t shower at times etc. She has a partner she lives with but their relationship deteriorated and she started seeing another guy behind his back. He suspected this but my sister denied it. She said she was lonely but didn’t want to move out as she didn’t want to lose her security. Her partner is quite happy living in the house with my sister and they didn’t sleep together and are more like house mates. This guy she was seeing has turned feral as my sister started seeing another guy! He attacked her and tried to strangle her because he wanted to see her phone. Police caught it all on body worn images. This guy is not supposed to have contact with her. He contacts her all the time. She responds. He wants sex to calm him down. He is on drugs too. Her partner works away a lot so this all happens when he is away it seems. He bit sone of her ear off recently when she met him in.
When he first strangled her, she rang me. We all live in different countries. My parents were closer so I made the difficult decision to tell my parents. They are in their 80s. They didn’t go over as they were worried about their safety. At that stage I was going to fly over. I live in the UK and she lives in Canada and my parents in Australia. The police were involved but she didn’t want to press charges in both occasions. The police know who he is.
I arranged for my sister and I to visit my parents. Mum has been not sleeping properly now for months since the strangling. I didn’t tell her about the ear ripping. My mum is desperate for my sister to open up to her but my sister refuses. Last night mum was crying to me on one of our walks. Then she collapsed. She was rushed to hospital and was on a heart machine and went for tests. When she regained consciousness she told dad and I that she is broken because of my sister. Dad started crying as did I. I apologised for telling them but dad said he wanted to know.
My sister was out when all this happened. When I told her she initially panicked then said said , ‘oh she will be alright, she has fainted a lot over the years’. She didn’t seem concerned. She had planned to extend her trip a week.Dad and I were appalled at her lack of interest at the hospital when we visited. I had to tell her to give mum a hug and she even started talking about her mental health struggles whilst num was hooked up to all these machines.
When we got home dad and I were speaking privately about how we think the stress is the contributing factor. We said my sister had to speak to mum and open up as mum is so desperately worried. My sister overheard and started screaming at us that we blame her and she is going home. I tried to speak to her but she said she was having a panic attack and to leave her alone. I refused and said she needs to stay now mum is in hospital. I said to her I blame myself for telling my parents. I said the stress of her not speaking to mum is making her sick. I said she is selfish if she leaves now and doesn’t let mum in. Dad said to her that he loves her and to speak to mum. My sister said she will just lie to mum as she won’t stop seeing this guy as she won’t be responsible for him going to jail and she can help him and all that rubbish!
I visited mum in hospital and she said all tests are clear and it is stress that caused this! She was crying in the hospital bed and can’t understand why my sister can’t open up to her. Mum has helped her previously with different issues over the years, so have I.
What in earth do I do? I have told my sister she has to speak to mum. I said she needs to stay and do work from my parent’s place where we are all staying. I only have another week here as I have to return to the UK for my work. My sister needs to know that she is killing mum slowly and maybe my dad. We are beyond worried she is going back to this violent situation as this guy lives in the same street.
Sorry this post is so long.