I have been suffering from anxiety for about a year now, my main fear is around the fear of allergic reactions to things. I have had therapy and things had been getting a lot better regarding fear of food allergies etc.
However, I haven’t dyed my hair in over a year because of all the horror stories you hear about hair dye allergy. I suspected a while ago that I may genuinely have a hair dye allergy as last time I did have a slight burning sensation on my scalp later that day. This time I tried the patch test for a different brand and have had a really bad reaction to the patch test, so it turns out my fears were not irrational at all and I am allergic to hair dye.
Obviously I’m not going to use it, but I keep shuddering at the thought of how serious it could have been had I have used it, how painful, horrific and possibly fatal. This thought keeps playing over and over again in my mind.
I have just come back from visiting family who know about my anxiety and know I have been thinking of colouring my hair. When they asked about it I told them I tried the patch test but it turns out I am allergic to the hair dye. Their reaction “don’t be so bloody stupid, you’re not allergic to anything” and it escalated into an argument about how me not colouring my hair is a backwards step in getting over my anxiety. My dad kept saying “you’ve got to do it at some point”.
Obviously I’m not going to as it’s extremely dangerous, but I just keep shuddering and feeling really freaked out by what would happen if I did. Also I just feel intensely angry that they don’t believe me and don’t see how genuinely dangerous this is.
I can still feel a really painful burning sensation in my arm where I applied the patch test and haven’t really felt well the last couple of days which I think may be from that, so I have been really worried.
I just can’t stop having horrifying thoughts about how serious the reaction would have been if I had used it, and feeling really angry towards family members who keep trying to cajole me into colouring my hair. What is it to them if I have a few greys? They are only noticeable if you look close anyway!