TW SA I think I was abused as a child

[Whatsthepoint1234]

Hi this is my first post. This sounds stupid, but I have a feeling I was sexually abused inbetween the ages of 7 and 10 roughly. I have one definite memory of a forced sex act with one of my peers but I feel like something else happened. I began starving myself at 8/9 and started having mental health issues, I was masturbating frequently and I was worried constantly that I was pregnant. I feel like I’ve blocked something out and that there is something I can’t quite remember. School at the time raised concerns that my behaviour could be due to sexual abuse. As an adult I have severe mental health issues with no discernible cause and I’ve had multiple psychiatric admissions. I have been diagnosed with BPD. The thing is apart from this child I have no idea who could have hurt me. Should I bring this up with someone and is it possible it happened?
Thanks

Hi, I didn’t want to read and run. I’m a psychologist so thought I’d write something back.

First yes, overtly sexualised behaviour among children can indicate SA (or other abuse/ trauma); we all have a capacity to suppress traumatic memories; and a diagnosis of BPD is given quite disproportionately to women with PTSD. Critical psychologists often think that BPD is actually a diagnosis of trauma.

One thing that might be worth reflecting, putting aside the question of whether you have blocked out other memories, is this experience of the forced sex act. This to me seems traumatic enough - whether there were other experiences or not. Could you start by visiting a therapist you feel safe with to gently explore what happened? Some techniques like EMDR are really useful in processing memories that the brain has initially blocked out (in order to protect you).

The fact that you are writing this now suggests that you may be in a place where you can start to think about and feel your way through these painful experiences.

Good luck OP, and all the best.

Thanks, I might explore EMDR. I’m under my local community psychiatrist at the moment but I haven’t been offered any therapeutic intervention. Just medication! I’m looking at private options so it sound like it’s worth exploring.

That sounds like a good plan, medication works best when there is therapeutic intervention alongside it. I’m sorry you haven’t been offered anything under your current care. Best of luck

This is a great charity and might be worth talking it through with their support line before you decide what to do next:

https://napac.org.uk/