Struggling hugely with feelings of dislike towards my chikd

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I have a DS who is nearly 3 and I really don’t like him. I’m well aware that this is an awful thing to say and I’m posting because I want things to change.

He is extremely wilful and defiant. Tell him not to do something and he finds it funny, laughs in your face and does it over and over. He is also aggressive. He kicks and bites and hits, he also used to grab the skin on your face or neck and twist it but this has mostly stopped.

He wakes at 5 every day. Tried so many things to stop this but nothings worked. I’m conscious tiredness won’t help. I try really hard to do positive things but it almost always ends badly.

Sending love. My son has just turned 4, and although I would say now a solid 90% of the time he is lovely, he has these moments too. He used to really go for us, he still does sometimes but less so, when he has lost it and is being violent he also laughs. You can see he feels like he's lost control and when he comes back from it he's really emotional because he didn't want to behave that way. I used to shout and clamp down on him and it just made everything worse. I now parent by distracting before we get to boiling point, and if we do get to boiling point try and get through to him. Tell him to 'smells the flowers, blow the bubbles' to get him to take a breathe, tell him I love him but I will not tolerate being hurt/being spoken to that way and I will distance myself from him. Usually this is enough now to get him to realise he isn't getting attention and will come for a cuddle. He isn't a bad kid, he just struggles with his emotions sometimes and needs my help to learn how to handle them. He had one of his biggest blow ups ever infront of my mother in law which has led to a big fall out because they don't think I'm parenting him hard enough, but I'm reassured that I know what works for my son and I'm doing it regardless.

It's tough, it's so tough and you feel like you've failed and like other parents are judging you, even your own family. Some kids are just harder than others. Some kids don't respond to a finger wag and a stern no. It's easy for others to judge when they aren't the ones going through it.

Three year olds can be really difficult. Could you ask the health visitor for advice?
a lot of this can be for attention. Then have almost no empathy at this age. Distraction, removing them from what they are doing. Lots of exercise for boys - swimming, walking being outside. All helps. What @doingitalllagain says is good advice.
It will get better. Often it’s frustration abs not being able to communication and tiredness. And sometimes just wanting their own way!

Thank you @doingitalllagain for such a kind reply. I hate the fact I have such a visceral reaction to him a lot of the time. I often feel I could shove, kick, scream at him. I haven’t and I wouldn’t but I know my anger shows on my face and this frightens him. But he was repeatedly kicking me this morning and giggling his head off and it’s moments like that where I feel I just hate him and I ish I hadn’t him him, and I know that’s awful.

I don't have any advice but I just wanted to say I have a 3 year old who is also pretty awful to me most of the time and I really dislike him a lot of the time too. Finding it very difficult because I also have a 5 month old little girl too, who I adore and she is just so easy to deal with compared to him. I found your post because I searched the topic, because I'm feeling the same.

I'm just telling myself he's 3, he can't regulate his own emotions yet, he doesn't have much empathy, and to try not to feed into it. I get very angry him and raise my voice a lot of the time and always regret it afterwards.

It will pass, but it sucks while they are like this. It's brave to be honest about these feelings. Do you have a support network (parents) that might have him for a night once a month, to give you some respite time?

I feel for you, this sounds really tough.

I think you need to set boundaries with him. It isn’t ok to kick you or anyone else. Totally not negotiable. If he does it, don’t get angry but put him in time out. Take a toy away. No chocolate that day. Whatever is his thing. You shouldn’t be hit or kicked and he needs to know tha
ts a strong boundary.

he needs lots of time out doors (hours per day) and to go to bed at 7/8pm. Hopefully this will tire him out enough to sleep. I know I had to wear mine out at that age to stop 5 am wake ups.

try not to frighten him, but also don’t think behaving like he is is normal. It isn’t and he needs to know it’s not ok.

Hello OP, 3 is a tough age. Try reading some books on parenting. The Montessori method is a good one to start with. Maybe see a psychologist for advice for you personally and your child. It would be worth the cost for just a few sessions to get you on the right path.

They say , " small children , small problems ". Don't wait till it gets out of hand. Good luck.