Medication has robbed me of my personality

[Ilovemycatalot]

Just that really. About 2 months ago had a major depressive episode where I basically could not function maybe you would call it a breakdown.
Felt suicidal could not do any daily living tasks etc. Now I’m on medication low dose of anti psychotic drug and burispone at night ( for really bad anxiety).
I can function on a limited level at the moment but I feel so flat and empty all the time like my personality has gone if that makes sense.
I met with a friend today and I could see she was struggling as I’m just like a walking zombie and struggle with conversations. I also feel exhausted all the time and have no interest in anything.
Told the mental health team but they insist on giving the medication more time but I’m aware of how bad I’ve become like my personality has gone and I’m just a shadow of myself.
Really don’t want to live like this can someone share any experiences of this or that maybe I’ll start feeling like my old self?

Scared to drop the medication but still get anxiety, obsessive thoughts etc and been on them nearly a month .

Why do you think it's the medication, and not recovery from major depression?

Medication usually needs 3 months to work. Unless you're having really severe side effects like vomiting blood, IME they won't change them so soon. It's shit that when we're talking about medications for mental health that they don't take account of the effect of those medications on your mental health. The whole system is not very well set up. They left me on citalopram for 4 months despite the fact it was making me ultra rapid-cycle and feel suicidal every day (and they ignored 7 attempts to end it all).

Mental health care is shit in general. I still get suicidal thoughts and sometimes I wonder is this meditation making me feel worse .

@villamariavintrapp I probably am still recovering from the depression just can’t accept this has happened to me and am pushing myself because I feel like I still have to function like I was before but I just can’t.

You need to be kind to yourself, give yourself time to recover if you can-like if you'd had sepsis or some other major illness.

It is probably the medication, I had this with the anti depressant miratazapine and with the anti psychotic quetiapine. I became a complete zombie. Give it some time, in most cases they improve given a few months. If it continues past month three and then speak to them again.

Sending hugs, it horrible and it’s not helped when services are so hit and miss. Well done for even bringing it to their attention. A lot of people don’t just because those things conversations take a lot of energy and mental space.

Also remember the medication is really helpful but you will need talking therapy too.

On the waiting list for therapy but know I will be waiting some time.

Also curious as to why I was put on an anti psychotic? Have never had any psychotic episodes before? Have previously been on paroxetine which kept me stable but stupidly came of it when I put loads of weight on.