I just can shake these feelings and my thoughts

[Blushingm]

I just feel so down and depressed. I feel so anxious about everything

I worry about work - that I'm not good enough, that people are just looking for things I do wrong and I just can't stop these thoughts and the horrible churning feeling in my stomach

I have a lovely DP who I've been seeing 18 months. Whenever we aren't together I think he's going to decide he doesn't love me and just wants rid of me. He's done nothing to make me think this - he's introduced me to all his friends etc, we've been away together with a team he coaches, we have really good times when we are together. He's not told his dc yet - partly as the agreement was I'd meet his ex wife before them (she knows) but that the dc won't be happy and he'd be forced to choose

I just feel I'm no good at anything at all and not good enough to be special to anyone.

By db committed suicide just before Christmas

How can I stop feeling like this - I just want to be happy!

I'm so sorry about your brother.

Feeling "not.....enough" (clever, pretty, interesting, talented or simply 'good') often begins in childhood when we start to judge ourselves against other people and we form opinions about who we are and how we fit in the world. The problem is that children simply can't think objectively so these opinions might be skewed by what we are told or what we observe but fail to understand.

Have a look at this article on Core Beliefs;

https://www.betterrelationships.org.au/well-being/core-beliefs-self-acceptance/

@Eyesopenwideawake my childhood was difficult. My mum was an alcoholic - my dad moved away

I just want to feel normal

Understood. You can change the way you think and feel by challenging your thought patterns. At the moment you are using the strategies that probably helped you when you were young - trying to anticipate problems to keep yourself safe. But now you don't need them; you're an adult and you can cope with whatever life will throw at you.

So, when you find yourself "fortune telling" - people are just looking for things I do wrong, I think he's going to decide he doesn't love me and just wants rid of me ask yourself what hard factual evidence you have for those thoughts. If there's none then accept that you are working on assumptions that aren't actually true.

Have you had any therapy for this?

@Eyesopenwideawake I've had CBT a long time ago, I found it really difficult