Depression

[GDLN]

Hi all,

I am struggling with my depression over the holidays. I wondered if anyone else feels like this sometimes. As I'm not working - I'm on holiday - I am not interacting with many people other than my immediate family and I think it makes it worse. We don't have money to go on proper holidays. I feel stuck in a rut of endless chores and I feel like life is a disappointment. There must be something wrong as I have the blessing of two lovely daughters, but I sometimes wish I was on my own as I worry about them and I hear them squabbling and clear up after their mess and spend all my money on them. It all just feels like an uphill slog. Am I missing something? My dad recently died after a long protracted and cruel illness. My partner is so caring but isn't very adventurous and likes to potter about the house making improvements and pursuing his hobbies. I have all these Summer projects in my head like de-cluttering the house, getting ahead with my job, writing thank you cards and planning lovely trips for the girls but I never seem to get around to them and I can spend hours slumped on my phone feeling just dead to the world. Friends WhatsApp me and it can take me days to write back. I have tried anti-depressants in my twenties and I ballooned. Since then I vowed not to take them. I was going for a run every other morning which really helped but I abandoned that and I think that might be a lot to do with it. I thought holidays were supposed to be the happiest times.

Couple of things sprang out at me - " My dad recently died after a long protracted and cruel illness" and "I was going for a run every other morning which really helped but I abandoned that and I think that might be a lot to do with it."

You are grieving and still suffering from the stress of your dad's illness - that's going to knock you out mentally and physically. But you can see the value in getting outside and doing some exercise.

Could you start slow and go for a walk (or jog) every day? Even 20 minutes will energise you and doing it regularly will bring you into contact with other people, even if it's just a nod and a "good morning". Self care is hugely important but we tend to put it last on the list of priorities. Don't. The more you look after yourself the better you will be a coping with your life.

Thank you so much for replying with such a thoughtful and wise message. I am sorry it has taken me a while to write back. The clouds are starting to lift with my dad - he had a very long, degenerative illness - Parkinson's - and losing him wasn't abrupt but the end of a deeply upsetting and lengthy number of years of debilitating suffering. Therefore it came as a relief when the end was here, but I sometimes have flashbacks of his last few weeks and how he looked and was hoisted around.I have started running again too. I was very touched that you wrote back and helped me.