Health Anxiety - I can’t do it!

[Tunnocks34]

Background information:

I have always had anxiety in some form. As a young girl (age six) I was really horrible to my mum before going away for a trip with my grandma and became absolutely convinced my mum was going to die and she’d remember my horrible last words.

I would say my anxiety started to become more health based when I went to university, had a one night stand. I became convinced I have contracted HIV. No reason for this at all. Every time I read an article that mentioned HIV I was convinced it was a subliminal message reaffirming my ‘diagnosis’. Had a test after a year of angst - negative. This then proceeded to me panicking about..

Skin cancer. Noticed a mole I thought might look slightly bigger, spent hours going through old pictures to compare. The anxiety convinced me it was itchy too. Got referred in the 2WW - benign…

I got pregnant and had my son at this point and things ramped up. Had a smear which showed changes. Obviously I convinced myself I had cancer. Stage 4. Could barely function for the three weeks it took for the colposcopy and subsequent results. Went onto a cancer forum and read every single diagnosis story looking for stories that could be me. Results were clear.

Found a lump in my boob, convinced breast cancer. Had back ache at this time too so certain it had spread to my spine too. GP told me it was a milk duct (I was breastfeeding) didn’t believe her, asked for a 2nd opinion who back up original diagnosis. Didn’t believe again and paid £2300 of my maternity saving for a private mammogram. Diagnosis - milk duct.

Then I had red blood in stool. Bowel cancer. GP said large piles. I struggled to accept diagnosis but eventually I moved passed it (2 months)

Lingering cough - lung cancer

Blocked nose - sinus cancer

Had a couple instances of diarrhoea and have been hooked on bowel cancer again for 4 months. Finally had the all clear from the GP (negative tests) and I have had a three week period. Obviously I have stage 4 womb cancer, what else could I be. Tonight I have prodded my stomach and I found a lump left hand side, but also more central. I have been doing CBT but could not apply any of the principles. I went to the bathroom and the lump has gone (evidently it was stool). But I’ve wasted another night where I should be playing and reading my my kids, Googling cancer statistics, or alternative diagnosis.

I am hopeful the CBT will work (it has in the past) but just wanted to not feel so alone I guess!

Hi I completely understand I have had health anxiety since I was young as well. It’s so debilitating and frightening. I’ve been in so many of your situations sane worries. You get the reassurance then you move on to something else. I have a mail one that i constantly worry about as well. I often wonder what’s it’s like not to have health anxiety. Sending a hug you are not alone x

No advice but you're not alone. I am at the end of my tether with it. I worry constantly about dying but I'm not living - just worrying

I hear you!

I've had health anxiety to varying degrees for 10 years. I had a horrendous 8 month bout last year where I literally went from one "cancer" to another, enduring many tests and 2ww appointments. I found the more tests I had, the more chance of incidental findings & mistakes (both of which happened to me, adding to my anxiety). It resulted in me now fearing & avoiding doctors. My anxiety was mainly centred around me but also my teenage son which is somehow worse. I had CBT which helped a bit and my anxiety was at a much lower level for about 9 months but still always in the back of my mind.

Ramped up again about 3 months ago I think triggered by an acquaintance telling me about her son in law being diagnosed with terminal cancer the same age as me. I also don't seem to be able to avoid cancer stories, they're everywhere. In 3 months I've "had" bowel cancer, bladder/kidney cancer, lymphoma and breast cancer. Whenever I stop worrying about one thing I move to the next and the previous one seems ridiculous and I wonder why I worried about it! Currently back to worrying about my son but daren't say anything to him or do anything about it but fear the inevitable is going to happen and I'll lose him 😔

No advice I'm afraid but tonnes of empathy.

Not wishing to make light of your situation but I'm very glad you're not a doctor 😀

Whilst it's sensible to be aware of what's going on with our bodies there's a part of your subconscious mind that's gone into overdrive and it's shrieking at you "look, look, LOOK, we're all going to DIE!" rather than whispering "ahem, is this OK?" The first thing you could do is listen to it but allow your logical, rational conscious mind to take back control.

Imagine that you're son screamed in the middle of the night that there was a monster under the bed. Would you grab him and run into the street to escape the monster or would you calmly reassure him that there's nothing to worry about and that you are there to keep him safe? That's exactly what's going on in your mind - an inner 'child' that's scared and needs to be reassured that there's an adult in charge; you.

If you can't shake it off consider remedial hypnosis - a short course of 2/3 sessions would sort it out.