Is this situational or mental unwellness? Tw sensitive subject

[1256babyor455]

Hello

Trigger warning: post mentions termination

Mumsnet was a great source of advice and support for myself over the past few years and I'm hoping you can help again.

I'll try to briefly give a quick round up of the past couple of years sorry its long.

Firstly my husband changed careers in early 2021 it meant we had a huge drop in income (to min wage) but long term we had hoped to gain more....then my mum died in late 2021, four weeks later I found myself pregnant simultaneously I had a redundancy process started at work. I had a termination at 5/6 weeks. My husbands company went under two weeks later and we were given a section 21 notice by our landlord in the spring 2022 ( it felt like it didn't rain but poured). I seemed to cope fine in this period.

Pulling ourselves round (somehow) we had managed to secure new jobs in a matter of weeks, juggling 3 dc in the mix. And by the end of last year we had bought (with support from friends & family / using my mums small inheritance) our first home. Due to our low incomes & deposit we had the option to buy a nicely decorated house in a awful area or a ex rental 70s throw back in a alright area - its in dire need of tlc. We choose the latter agreeing it'd be a slow burner to pull it together.

Fast forward to now and I'm neck deep in what I can only describe as overwhelmness - my dh new company is going from strength to strength & he's been promoted so all good. My works not so secure with rumours of redundancy (again! Again! I'm looking into a career change to earn more) I know I should be grateful that we have a roof over our heads, food in our bellies and a house of our own but I have this constant state of panic and dread. I hate the house - I'm embarrassed of it there's no carpets just bare floorboards and horrible wallpaper whilst we save up to furnish it (we've managed to redecorate the bedrooms & replace the boiler/ electrics) so I haven't had anyone over. I cant seem to relax here it feels like someone else's life. I miss the old house, I miss my mum. I dream of her almost every night. I cant believe what I did - I wish I could wake up in a different life so I could of made different choices. Most days I'm suffering with panic attacks everything feels tight, and I end gasping and im having these strnage moments where I cant seem to move - I feel stuck physically stuck. I don't want to get up and be a mum just happy to stare at the wall and wait for the next day to begin. Okay at work though - I feel that I'm running on autopilot when I'm there.

I want a holiday to escape and relax for a week forget about everything here & everything that's happened but we can't afford one and haven't in over a decade. I just feel very claustrophobic, stuck and unsure how to resolve everything. What can I do? I feel that I'm failing my children. Please help.

Oh goodness, that's a lot to process. I'm surprised you're still able to function.

You can't possibly deal with all that at once. What's your top priority and what is really winding you up? If you could tackle one of those that might help.

Seems little point in advising counselling because wait lists are huge but you can refer yourself and get on the list. Are you able to have time out? going for a fast walk or swimming is probably a better distraction than a candle lit bath.

"I cant believe what I did"

What does this relate to? The termination? The house? Or something else?

On a practical note are the floorboards good enough to be sanded down and sealed? Or could you put down some rugs? Can you paint over the wallpaper for now? Just making small and inexpensive changes while you save up for the full renovation can make a big difference.

Thank you it's the house thats getting me down. That's very good advice on tackling one thing at a time - I'm going to make a list this afternoon thank you.

Swimming is a good suggestion thank you.

I was going to suggest counselling too. Go to your GP, they can refer you for 6 weeks CBT. I've found it really helpful in the past. In my area, people post on Next Door or Facebook local if they need vital things for the house for free. Might it be worth you doing that and asking for carpet &/or rugs? You never know, someone might just be re-carpeting & be glad of their old carpet helping someone else.
Well done for coping so far. Of course you miss your Mum. I lost mine over 30 years ago & still miss her at times! I find taking one day at a time a useful strategy for getting through hard times. Good luck OP, do let us know how you get on .

The termination- i don't think I had time to process it.

These are very good suggestions- the house is the most thing that's making me quite down at the moment. It just doesn't feel like home almost like I'm here temporarily.

Thank you ill phone the Gp tomorrow I hate bothering them and try only to go when I'm desperate .

Thank you for the advice of one day at a time its actually really good to be reminded of one day at a time I've been running on "we need to do x y z at this point/ next month/ by Christmas" and sometimes that just feels all consuming!

I didn't think of looking on Facebook- I'll have a gander this afternoon. Thank you I appreciate the replies and kind words.

You had so much going on at once, there was no time to process any of it, especially your mum and the termination. Now you have time and it is coming out. I agree with PP about trying to make a few cheap changes in the house. GP is a start and taking a day at a time. I find swimming good for my mental health, I swim along in my own little world sorting things out in my mind as I go.

Thank you I hasn't thought of it like that - I just thought I had coped really well and sailed through it. You're right now it seems to just come at me in one huge wave.

Swimming is such a good point I loved swimming in my younger days I'm going to phone up the leisure centre tomorrow and see whats available

Very much appreciate all the support advice and replies.