Extreme anxiety/ panic

[Roxy1988]

I have been suffering with extreme anxiety and panic over the past year and a half and it has ruined my life :( so much so that my nearly 10 year relationship ended and my 3 year old daughter lives with her dad full time. I spend the day with her 3 days a week but do not have her at my flat and am always with one of the paternal grandparents for support. A lot of my anxiety is around my daughter and looking after her. I don't know what it is but I'm almost afraid of her being so dependent on me. I also have a fear of her being sick at any given time :( my life has literally been ruined. I can't spend time with my daughter on my own as I am too scared. I haven't put her to bed or woken up with her for months :( I take 150mg of clomipramine and 10mg of olanzapine. I don't know what I am asking but has anyone else been in a similar situation? I was hospitalised last year due to feeling suicidal brought on by the extreme anxiety.

@BeeLievable sorry to hear that you have also struggled. I also panic about being sick or fainting whilst I am looking after her. Did you take any medication if you don't mind me asking? And despite being terrified did you spend time alone with your daughter?

I basically forced myself to spend time alone because I had no choice for most of the time but I always had a "back up plan" in my head mentally. I knew I had someone I could call in an emergency. I also lived quite a "small" life for her early years and kept to routines and places I felt safe.

It's so hard to explain to people who don't have the same fears but it's overwhelming and real.

The way I coped was having that plan in place mentally- knowing I could call MIL or DH if needed and broke down the day into chunks. If I knew someone would be there to help I could manage.

It did change when she got older and less reliant but that fear I had was horrendous and I wouldn't wish it on anyone. I hope you can find a way through as it's very cruel for you to suffer.

@BeeLievable I can't bring myself to spend any time on my own with her :( I just panic. So much that she doesn't even live with me or even come to my flat :( it's heartbreaking.

I also have 'safe' places that we go to but it's always with on of my ex partners parents for support.

Did you take any medication?

@BeeLievable I feel completely alone as my family and friends all live in Kent and I live in Essex. I only see my daughter 3 days a week as that's all my ex's parents can facilitate as in being with me whilst I spend time with her.

Hi Roxy. I'm sorry you're going through such a shitty time. I have felt similar in the past, like I can't be the parent I want to be, but it sounds like you're doing your absolute best in difficult circumstances.

I have emetophobia too and it was awful while DC were young. I still struggle now they are in their teens but nowhere near as bad.

Olanzapine is the only med that really helps me, I also take lamotrigine, it took years to find the right cocktail that works for me. So do ask for a medication review if you want to try something else- there are hundreds of meds out there.

@Lovegood thanks for your reply. Sorry to hear you have also struggled. I'm trying to arrange an appointment with my psychiatrist to discuss changing or adding meds. I also take olanzapine which does help with my sleep and appetite so hoping I can stay on that one. Have been reading up about pregabalin and want to give it a go.