Anxiety/OCD and trusting your own mind.

[Ilovedogs1]

Hi. I have posted a few threads over the last few months. Long term OCD/anxiety sufferer who's had a bad relapse over the last 6 months. I'm hoping 🤞that I'm starting to turn a corner. Still struggling massively but better than I have been. However when I have moments of feeling better it's like my anxiety kicks in going "are you sure your feeling better. What if your mind is playing tricks ' etc. Not sure if I'm explaining it well but it's a bit like I don't trust myself and my own mind.
Anyone else experienced this?

Bump

Hi OP,
I do sometimes yes. It frustrates me as I feel like I can't trust myself and second guess myself. but I have found if I tell myself to be rational out loud sometimes my brain hears it and I can mostly then 'be' rational about it. I think for me it is based in fear - I am scared that I will get worse or relapse? When in reality I have got much better and also still have the tools to use when I need them.

Yep. Thought I was turning a corner but have had a long period this month and so I have decided womb cancer the more likely option. I’ve proved my stomach repeatedly until it’s now very sore and bruised. Found a lump (turned out to be stool). Just another night I should be reading and playing with my sons lost to me poking and torturing myself.

Diagnosed with OCD 16 years ago. I completely understand what you mean.Sertraline has made a HUGE difference for me x

@Ilovedogs1 i get you - it’s like a kind of self sabotage trying to not let you escape the anxiety and feel care free
I hope you have turned a corner try all the CBT strategies particularly checking if there’s any evidence in your thinking
good luck

Hey. Really struggling today. Having lots of 'what if' intrusive thoughts. I'm trying not to engage with them but I feel so unbearably anxious.
How are you supposed to tolerate uncertainty about things that are so important to you?

I struggle with this. Mine is related to health anxiety so I’m constantly obsessed with something. But unlike a lot of health anxiety sufferers I don’t jump from one thing to another I fixate on one thing and it can go on for months and months.

for example. I had a breast issue this time last year. Went to the breast clinic and was diagnosed with a benign condition. I should have been delighted and relieved but instead my brain said “what if they’ve missed something” this has lead into me being obsessed with that breast for the passed year. I look at it and check it and my brain tells me oh it looks different, it’s changed shape, it feels harder than usual.

as part of therapy I’ve not checked it, not prodded, felt or looked at it (apart from getting showered dressed) for the past week, however, since I haven’t done that my anxiety has increased but my therapist says it will because it wants me to check etc I have to fight it and eventually the anxiety will lessen.

here’s to hoping

I’m glad to chat though because the intrusive thoughts are so hard and people don’t understand and you just need someone to listen and understand

@Fluffyunicorn1 thank you for your response. Are you doing ERP in your therapy then by not doing the checking? How do you manage to actually do it? I find the anxiety unbearable.

Hi, yes I’m in the same place right now. Had a bad patch after 5 years of being ok and struggling to trust myself again. It’s like I don’t want to go back to ‘real life’ and then lose it again.

it helps me to focus on small things like eating regularly and including protein, fibre etc. Going for walks etc. If I focus on doing those things every day I feel stabilised.

Hope you feel better soon.

Yes I am.

so I’m not allowed to check anything before you ur next appointment which is tomorrow. I’ve had to keep a diary of all my thoughts and feelings (mental and physical) which we will talk about tomorrow.

honestly, I haven’t coped very well. My anxiety has been through the roof and I’ve felt on edge. Plus I’ve had physical symptoms because I’ve none stop thought about it but I’m hoping that rationalising these thoughts tomorrow will help me in the week after. Because after all, nothing bad has happened to me by not checking. My hope is that the symptoms will ease over time and eventually I can just check like normal people do.

what has helped me is keeping busy and every time I have that intrusive thought of there’s something there so check it now I’ve told it no not today and gone and done something. Just little 5 min job. I’ll wipe the kitchen sides or load/empty the dishwasher or clean teeth.

I’ve made sure I’ve got out for a walk with the dog everyday. Even if it’s only 10 mins.

im hoping in the next few weeks my anxiety will start to lessen and the symptoms will ease

@Fluffyunicorn1 it's so hard isnt it. I get these intrusive thoughts of 'what if' I've pushed someone over or harmed someone in some way in places like shops and supermarkets. Even if I've not passed anyone I worry what if I did and just didn't notice. I've been to a retail park this afternoon with my husband. It's so irrational because I was with him but the doubting thoughts are still there. Not to mention everywhere is CCTV'D. I know its irrational but the anxiety and doubt just feels so real.

It’s so hard. Especially when you know the thoughts are irrational but you can’t stop listening to them. It is literally a battle with your own brain. And it’s the worst battle to have.

I really would recommend a good therapist. I pay privately because the waiting lists on the nhs are just too long although I know some people aren’t in the position to pay.

have you considered speaking to the gp?

also try some herbal remedies. They may not help but they also won’t harm. I make sure I take vit d, magnesium, b12 and ashwagandha (spelling?) daily. I sleep better since doing this but I’ve only been taking the routinely for a couple of weeks so they probably aren’t having much of an effect yet

@Fluffyunicorn1 I'm under the CMHT but to be honest they are useless. I had a psychiatrist appointment yesterday and she asked me how I was getting on with the sertraline. I got changed from sertraline to fluoxetine over 6 months ago so doesn't exactly fill you with confidence.
How did you go about finding a private therapist? Was there somewhere specific you looked?
Would you mind if I pm you as you seem to be in a similar place atm?
I've thought about hypnotherapy what are your thoughts on that?

@Ilovedogs1 Of course you can pm me. As bad as it sounds it’s nice to hear someone in the same situation. I feel like if it told my friends/family the extent of my thinking they’d think I was nuts!

finding a counsellor. Last year after I’d been to the breast clinic I went to the gp about my anxiety. I think it was then that I realised something wasn’t right with my thinking because I should have been delighted that nothing was wrong with me and all I could think was they’ve missed something. Anyway, gp was useless to be honest. She put me on a waiting list for counselling which in my area is apparently 2 years. Wrote me a prescription for sertraline and sent me on my way. I didn’t take the sertraline because I wanted to deal with the issue rather than hide it if that makes sense.

so I googled counsellors in my area, didn’t gel with the first so went to another. She advised somebody else that specialised in erp. So I went to him and so far so good.

I'm not the only one! I thought I was and I was going mad. It's awful to read the stories of suffering here. I've had ocd for 18 years, but recently it's changed its tactics(it's like it knew it was losing its control as I was starting to win against it, and is trying one last, abusive roll of the dice) like someone said, it's a battle with your own brain

My particular issue is mainly the toilet, I'm very anxious around it, and have to watch each flush, in case something happens. But then sometimes, my brain will tell me that something has happened, and it seems my eyes join in the deception-I didn't know ocd could do that. But I suppose it's just part of the uncertainty . Then when I'm checking the seat is dry etc my brain will tell me I've somehow got my hand in the loo. It's hell.

I'm on the waiting list for EMDR, but I'm sure it'll be a long time. My instincts tell me that hypnotherapy could help, has anyone done that for this level of dysfunction?

Hi you have definitely found your people!

I can’t comment on hypnotherapy as it’s not something I’ve considered. Not because I don’t think it works but it’s not for me.

I suppose anything is worth a try though when you’re feeling like this