Feel invisible and I’m losing my memory

[Lostlostlostagain]

Just that really… feel so bloody alone. Literally nobody gives a shit, I’m done. My little girl is away and I want her home, now. She is my rock and the only person keeping me here. Don’t want any replies, just needed to write down how I was feeling. I’m going bloody insane, there are things I swear I have not done, yet told I have done, there are things I swear I have done, yet told I haven’t. Nobody gets it, nobody!!!

Did you have a head injury ?

No!

Big hug. Can you talk to your GP?

Who is telling you that you have done/not done things?

Are you in perimenopause? I thought I was going mad and had the first bout of anxiety and depression in my life before I started HRT, which has cured it all. I was in despair and everything felt utterly pointless. I had no concentration or focus, my memory was shot to pieces. Could it be this, if you are in your 40s or early 50s?

GP just keeps referring me to the long list of CBT therapy with no help in the meantime. Mainly my partner telling me things that I just cannot remember doing and he doesn’t believe me. I am 40 this year, so could be perimenopausal I guess, but would that explain the memory loss? I’m so confused right now 😩

Could be perimenopause, that could explain the brain fog and your feelings of no-one caring / feelings of desperation.
It can be dreadful, you can feel like you're literally losing your mind.
You need a once over by the GP, blood test, HRT if required and take up the CBT, you might be surprised how much it can help.
I've always been anti therapy (pull yourself together) until I had some myself.

It could be you had a minor stroke and didn’t know. A seizure in your sleep… early onset Alzheimer’s.. your gp sounds terrible

Are you confident your partner is telling you the truth?

I’m crying reading these responses, especially from @DelphiniumBlue. let me compose myself a bit and will reply again a bit later. Thank you all xxx

Where is your little girl? you say she is the only thing keeping you here, what about your partner? Is he keeping you here? Is it only your partner telling you what you have/have not done?

But early onset Alzheimer’s is very rare. I wouldn’t worry about that. Just saying your doctor should take this seriously

I'm worrying about you, are you safe? In light of your reply, I wonder are you being isolated?

Is your partner gaslighting you and emotionally abusing you? Is that what you are hinting at? You can talk to us here, provided he doesn’t have access to your Mumsnet account, and we (and Mumsnet) can help point you to resources you need to be free, if this is the case. Please don’t suffer alone.

So sorry for disappearing you lovely ladies xxx I am perfectly safe and my little girl is just away with her Grandparents for a few days having an amazing time, I just miss her so bloody much. She helps to keep me strong and to keep my focus on being a mum. My partner can be very supportive at times, but lately his focus has been elsewhere and I feel like I’ve been at the bottom of the list. I try to talk, but there is always some kind of disruption and then I’m accused of being moody, when I’m just feeling sad. It isn’t just him saying I’ve forgotten things I can’t remember, my head has just been all over the place. I think when I wrote this it just felt like it was mainly him making me feel that way due to discussions we were having that day, but looking back, there have been other situations too, just maybe not so obvious. I’ve been very very tearful due to a difficult situation at work and a bad time of year for me. My little girl helps to keep me on track and focus on the good things in life, so when she isn’t here, I start thinking that I’m no good for nothing else. I’m so sorry to make you all worry, you know you just have those dark thoughts that creep up on you sometimes and you need some kind of outlet that you don’t feel you can tell people in real life. Although my girl will be back with me at the weekend, I do still feel sad and alone as a person, not as a mum if that makes sense? I had so many ‘friends’ that just aren’t here for me anymore and I don’t have any kind of social life. I’m constantly having people tell me to get out there and try to find local groups etc, but my social anxiety just won’t allow it. People say they will go with me, then let me down. I never used to be like this, always had someone I could pick up the phone and talk to. I’m not blowing my own trumpet, but I’m a bloody good friend and will do anything for the people I love. Would just be nice for the thought to be reciprocated occasionally. Anyway, I’m rambling again, so again, so sorry for making you worry. Love to you all 💖💖💖

B12 deficiency? Don’t take tablets before you have any blood tests

Had all iron deficiency tested regularly last year and was a bit low and was anaemic for a while, but that now seems to be under control. Might ask for some more bloods though, as something definitely isn’t right!

This. I "lost" a lot of memories and info when I was deficient (never have got them back, my DC still say stuff like "we saw this film - you hated it" and I'm baffled). It was a horrible horrible feeling.

B12 isn't on FBC or the standard list of things that are checked. So make sure it's on your list of results and if it isnt, request it.

"difficult situation at work"

Stress? That can cause all kinds of MH symptoms.

Can you look into meds for the social anxiety? Not having a social life would get anyone down.

Your DP sounds to be at the point where he's struggling with your MH symptoms. It can be hard on people who are living with someone who is struggling. He could be more sympathetic though, this is some form of ill health that you're experiencing, it's not sulking or deliberately creating an atmosphere and it's not something you can just snap out of. You don't exist to be entertaining for others, you're allowed to be unwell. If DP needs support with dealing with the situation, he needs to look elsewhere for that to his friends, his family or his own GP. Not put it on you to support him when you're not coping yourself with whatever it is that's wrong.

Has your GP assessed you for depression? It can happen to people for no reason at all.