Anxiety - husband not supportive

[Momma146]

First time posting as need a bit of support.

Currently on holiday in UK with DH, DD (1yr) and DH family. Family meal tonight which I've been dreading all day, and plucked up the courage about 30 mins before needing to leave to tell DH I can't go because of how anxious I'm feeling. This instantly led to him being upset that I wasn't going to try to go out/and saying he didn't feel that I felt anxious and just wanted a reason to not go out. It's got to a point I feel that whenever I feel this way my DH doesnt support me and I end up feeling so guilty and apologising, and how he reacts is a contributing factor to my anxiety.

For context I have had different levels of anxiety over the past 7 years. Currently taking medication for anxiety and beta blockers for panic attacks.

I'm currently in bed now just riding it all out but feeling like I've let him down and ruined the evening/holiday.

According to this board, if your mental health impacts anyone else around you in any way, that is on you and you are selfish to not have had it sufficiently treated. That no one should ever put up with the impact of the mental illness of their spouse. Search for a thread about 'husband has depression' and you will see that the expectation of any support from a spouse is considered completely unreasonable and that the spouse with the mental illness is not seen as worthy of being part of the family unless they can completely hide all impacts of their illness.

It was one meal. You didn't give it a chance. I can see why your dh got exasperated.

You’ve not ruined the holiday, but you have ruined the evening. It’s maybe time to go back to the doctor and ask for more help?

Tomorrow’s another day. I hope you and your husband can put tonight behind you.

They are his family. You must know them reasonably well, so unless there is history of them picking on you or expecting you to cook or perform in some way, I can see why he is hurt. Do they know you struggle?

But hopefully he'll get over it and start afresh tomorrow.

What was there to be anxious about? A nice relaxed meal with family? Sorry but I've never been able to understand this anxiety business. And what happens tomorrow night?

Obviously you have never experienced true anxiety . Lucky you!!
it does not matter one iota who you are with or where you are, anxiety is not always choosy. I feel for you op. Your DH will get over it, take care of yourself .

It can be frustrating having someone unable to do things because they are anxious and it’s hard when someone else’s MH issues impact on your life. If he’s had this for 7 years he may be finding it hard.
Not as hard as you though! Medication isn’t doing it. Have you other coping strategies? Done CBT? Mindfulness? Exercise? Time spent outside? It takes time to find what works for you. (Took me ages! But it’s worth it to have strategies so you can cope.)

To anyone saying that they don't understand anxiety or "what could going out for dinner make you anxious about" then lucky you for not experiencing anxiety or anxiety to this level. I have had severe anxiety and OCD my whole life, I'm 30 now with a husband of 10 years and a 3 year old DD. My husband has supported my anxiety completely our whole relationship and never forces me or makes me feel bad for not being able to do something. It is unfair for someone to make you feel guilty about something out of your control! Your not causing a fuss for the fun of it. I am on medication and have CBT every week, I eat well, exercise and do everything possible to control my anxiety.