Feel like I don't get a break anyone else?

[raisingwildones]

I'm feeling so down right now. It's school holidays and my DD2 has chicken pox so it's been a stressful week. My house is upside down. I work 3 days a week and have no time to do anything for myself. DP goes to the gym every morning and works full time then sometimes on the weekend. My mum has commented that my house is minging and my relationship is on its arse. I have no help with childcare. A dog that needs walking daily. I honestly don't know how other people manage to do it all...

Well does DP look after house and kids? If he’s at the gym every morning that is his ‘me’ time. You should be getting it too. Can you organise some time out of the house for yourself - exercise class, time with friends, course at the local college?

I’ve been in this loop and sometimes you just need a good few hours to mentally shift it into a better gear.

I’d start with cleaning up. Maybe some saddest corners of the house? Laundry. Is that old clothes that don’t fit, bin, charity or put away.

Delegate some tasks to DP?
Open windows, doors - tidy up. Just get little bits done every day. Maybe the mess in the house is bringing you down too so when you get home from work it’s overwhelming you and adds to this ‘mental debt’ feeling.

Have a cup of tea and do twenty minutes at a time - and see what you can get done. Buy yourself some flowers or a houseplant if you can. And be kind to yourself. You’re doing amazing already.

@OprahWinfery - fuck that. Whatever the DP spends on the gym, spend the same on a cleaner and/or dog walker.

So where are the children the 3 days/week you work? Are they at holiday club or are you taking leave? How does leave work between you and DH? In a general summer holiday, I can think of about a million ways to get you a bit more time, they all involve spending a bit of money and/or DH stepping up a bit more.

You have one with chicken pox, which is really shitty - my sympathies!! While that lasts it does take up extra time and energy. But again, the solutions are DH stepping up a bit, maybe not going to the gym EVERY day when you have a sick kid? Maybe he walks the effing dog??

I think you know the answer is to rebalance the workload, but it's up to you to push for it.

And your mum- the only response to "your house is minging" is "So glad you've noticed, if you'll sit with x /walk the dog, I could clean it! Thanks!!"

As a person who loves going to the gym, I would hate giving that up. Gives me so much energy to get on with things and I don’t think gym costs that much? It’s not the problem surely?

similar here @raisingwildones , for different reasons. The trouble is the worse the house gets the less I feel able to do anything about it, so I am trying to train myself to do five minutes at a time ie do something when I notice it, not wait "until I have time", and to do things especially whilst I'm waiting for the kettle to boil etc, so I do a tiny bit of tidying or cleaning, one thing at a time...last week I put the washing machine onto 90 degrees to get rid of all the gunk, and cleaned the outside of it, and it looked so good it inspired me to do the same with the fridge and the dishwasher and so on...and little by little the kitchen became less depressing.

But yes your DP needs to re-direct some of his me-time to take on some of the chores...

I think all working parents would agree that school holidays are challenging - even if you have some form of childcare on weekends (which I assume you do OP on the days you're working at least), routine is disrupted and there is inevitably a degree of juggling going on.

But all the juggling and stress shouldn't fall to you. Ideally both parents should have equal downtime. Have you had a serious discussion with your DH about that?

Delegate delegate delegate !

By DH pulling his weight when he's home. I understand if he's working 12 days in a row that that's full on, but I'd be looking at what you can do to even the balance of paid work and housework.

Perhaps your Mom can have the kids for you whilst you smash through the house with DH one weekend and then for dates wothDH another weekend, given she's the critic

I go and put piles of laundry that needs putting away onto DH’s pillow so he cannot ignore it.