Struggling to cope

[watermelonsugar11]

Hi. This might be a long one so bare with me. I've struggled with anxiety since I was 12, now 23. Last year it was really bad to the point where I was rushed in an ambulance to hospital as my heart rate was 180bpm and wouldn't come down (panic attack) I couldn't leave my house and sat in my room for majority of the day with my little boy (who was 1) i had regular health visitor checks so I could take my little one out and I was put on citalopram and after a few weeks I felt like a different person, I was going out everywhere, doing things I'd never done before and just felt so good. Now for the past few weeks I've been feeling so anxious again, all the physical anxiety symptoms are there as well which is stressing me out more. I feel like I'm failing my little boy and that he'd be better off without me. I'm in a weird place at the moment, I don't want to exist anymore but I'm so scared to die. I can't die in anyways as there is no one at all to look after my little boy and I couldn't do that to him, but I'm struggling a lot. I tried to speak to my gp about it today when he rang me to say I have low folic acid levels but he dismissed me and said make another appointment, I can't get one until the end of august. Has anyone felt the same way and what helped?

Sounds like your citalopram needs raised or changed to Sertraline. You need to get back onto those drs and badger them to let you see someone. I've been there and if my mum hadn't persuaded them to see me immediately at the time I'm not sure I would be here now and you have a little one to think of also

Call 111 and tell them that you need help, you’re alone with your child. Hopefully they can organise an appointment for you.

I've tried sertraline before and it didn't help in the slightest, I also struggled on fluoxetine before being put on citalopram. I will see if I can get my dosage upped to 30mg

I didn't think about calling 111, I will ring them and ask them for some help. Thank you x