BPD

[danid26]

Hi all, I'm not really sure where too start to be honest. My husband and I have a 4 month old beautiful baby girl, who is the light of our lives, but my husband suffers with BPD, I'm not sure how many of you guys are in the same boat, but subsequently, we all suffer. I'm finding it really tough as my husbands mental health is going down hill and quick, I feel like there isn't enough of me too go around as he seems too need 24/7 reassurance that I'm not mad or too calm his paranoia which is pretty impossible with my little girl as being a mother is now my top priority, the mental health team are involved but anyone who has experience with this will know the waiting lists are astronomical, although he's been 'bumped' up the list. meanwhile hes done EDMR and it helped for a while he now seems worse than ever. He has started too drink more too cope with his emotions and I cannot appear too reason with him at all, due too previous addictions I'm terrified he will develop another one. He feels I'm judging or victimising him. I feel really really alone, and really really sad, in the happiest time of my life ironically. Anyone out there with any experience in this field? And any tips on how too cope a little better? Thank you xx

OP sorry you're both going through all this. All I can say is although you want to help him, ultimately you can't. As you say, he wants what nobody can give - 24/7 reassurance. Step back and get some support for yourself. Any new mum needs support, usually that would come from their DP but obviously that can't happen here so find alternative support for yourself. He needs to stop drinking completely obviously, with immediate effect.

If you need to live apart right now to protect yourself and DD that's what you must do. Whether that's him an inpatient or you staying with relatives or whatever other solution. Don't let MH team fob you off with you being his support network.

You're the one who needs support now, not another burden else you'll end up ill yourself. He may never be able to support you. This situation isn't uncommon, woman carrying "damaged" (sorry, not dissing him, just trying to describe) man in relationship and relationship works until woman has baby and needs support from man herself, then all hell breaks loose because man can't cope with himself, can't step up and provide for her/baby emotionally/practically.

You can't pour from an empty cup, so get your own support in place then look at how much you're able to support him without overstretching yourself. He needs professional help though, and that's not you.