I think I’m depressed. What should I do?

[Peributsad]

I think my depression is a lifestyle thing. We live somewhere I don’t connect with, but can’t change that. I have friends but not a hyper local community.

And I don’t work nearly enough so I have a lot of time when the kids are at school when I have nothing to do. I could be creating (my hobby) in this time, but I think I’m depressed so I have no motivation. Which makes me hate myself for “wasting” time.

I am taking HRT, which has helped a bit but not completely.

I’m quite scared of anti depressants. I’ve never taken them but I hate the idea of it. I don’t know why.

Any advice? I am struggling with living like this. It feels like all the good bits are done in my life: being young, kids being tiny, etc.

If you're a creative type you need to be creating. Focus on the small steps. I'm a creative type and it's hard to build the motivation! Start small - 1 minute here and there. you will find you slowly build the impetus, like it kickstarts your creative brain. Commit to 1 minute a day.

Could you make your hobby into a business? Maybe open an instagram / etsy? One small step after the other. It might spur you into action to be focussed

I always think taking a short course of some sort can be super motivating when you are down - is there an evening course you could attend? Daytime - couple of hours a week?

Thank you! I think you’re right, if I’m not doing my hobby or similar, I tend to feel down no matter what. Always have!

This time I have zero motivation to do anything though! Not even tidy up sometimes. I know it’s because life isn’t working as I want it to. I’m also wallowing!

But a good idea to do a course or upscale my hobby. I do really need to work more, I tend to feel a little better on work days, despite dreading them for the entire week!

What you do mean "I think my depression is a lifestyle thing"? Either you're clinically depressed and need medication for it or you're not.

If you absolutely hate your life then it's that that needs to be changed.

Do you do any exercise?

I'm at a similar point. DC are older, living in the town my husband grew up in but I don't like it, working part time again, mooching through life with little motivation. Just turned 50, probably peri, but still have the evil 28 day cycle which is now wearing me out!

But only five years ago I was super fit, super motivated with lots of mental and physical energy.

I went into covid a very different person. For me covid could not have happened at a worse time. I think at this age I lack the physical ability to bounce back and be resilient, and that has a knock on effect on mental health.

Maybe taking up exercise and getting fit and physically stronger and getting fresh air might work for you too?

Read Brain Energy by Dr. Christopher Palmer.

It is life changing for anyone with mental health problems.

Op, I could have written your post almost word for word...except I am currently not working at all.

I'm in the midst of the peri-menopause and thinking this is partially to blame. It's like my eyes have been opened to life and the pointlessness of so much of it - all the capitalism, small petty worries and being just a cog when I worked.

Now at the age of 50, I don't want to retrain. I have barriers to this firstly with mental health and secondly with the perimenopause. Luckily no financial worries. Like you, I feel like the best bits are done and achieved. I have achieved an ambition related to one of my hobbies, sure there is more to add but I feel so disinclined at the moment.

Again, I could further a second hobby via Etsy but I think the depression and the what's the point feeling is just holding me back. I am in a viscious cycle. For me, it is also the thought of working in such isolation - I have tried co-working in a couple of places but I didn't click with anyone and it was like working in isolation with a few people sat around you. I miss being part of something I think and the comoradarie. I also like the thought of doing my own thing and being in control - so everything feels catch 22. A few people have retired that I know of recently and I think to myself don't do that...just don't but perhaps they have endless friends and activities to immerse themselves in.

I don't have much extended family. My dc are at school now and I'm so glad they are coming in and out of the house. I have friends I probably see every couple of weeks and it is often me making the effort. I feel like I'm scratching around trying to find something to do to fill in time and feel so demotivated with housework. I keep telling myself to get out there and try something new and I have tried a few things but they fill just the odd pockets of time. Volunteering could be an option but I just feel meh about everything with my mood and mental health (awaiting some support). I don't particularly like where I live - it is pleasant enough but again since a good friend moved away, I feel like I haven't any decent connections here. Could be the people, could be just me but there isn't much here in terms of art and culture and that type of thing.

I'm willing to take anti-depressants if it lifts this fug I seem to have found myself in. I take HRT (including testosterone) - it has taken the edge of the anxiety but other than that has done very little and certainly not improved my mood.

The only slight thing that helps is being outside - connecting with nature and doing some exercise which I'm enjoying but will be curtailed in the winter months (dreading winter) as just about scraping by now.

So, nothing much to add sadly op. Could you up your work hours as this seems to be helping you? Just to say I recognise a lot of what you have written. Sorry for the epic post but it really resonates with me.

There is reactive depression which is associated with life circumstances or a particularly difficult situation. Some people are depressed even though everything in their life seems great.But Op believes hers is reactive.
I think you should take pressure off yourself for wasting time..lm sure you are busy at times in the day so enjoy your space and don't beat yourself up. For me it's exercise that lifts my mood. I am in my 60s so not some young fit person running for miles. But definitely exercise helps me when my mood is low: walking/ circuit training, anything. But it would be good to talk to your GP as taking an antidepressant won't change your life massively but will enable you to have enough joy to tackle new stuff and find new opportunities in your locality . Don't e afraid of them as the initial dose is low and causes no issues usually.

Over the past couple of months I have had counselling, which has really helped me to understand some of my issues, one of which is chronically low self esteem, I have started doing more exercise and have massively cut back on the alcohol. I've also booked a GP appointment as I think I'm perimenopausal so we'll see what the outcome of that is.

Looking back at my mental health at the start of the year, I think all these things in combination have helped immensely.

I think medication is so overdone. It came out quite recently that antidepressants do not work the way they thought they did (they had know this for quite a long time, but it wasn't publicised). So yeah take some random chemical of which they have no idea of the mechanism, when the cause is quite obviously isolation and lack of social connection. I do actually take mirtazipine, but for one purpose, it helps me sleep. Antidepressants are not some kind of panacea, I don't know society is increasingly atomized, if you can join some networks/groups that would probably help you if you are so inclined.

It's easy to over think when you have time on your hands.
I enjoy watching The Unexpected Gypsy on youtube.
She was a teacher, then bought a camper can and now a full time artist.
Her videos are really honest and down to earth, she struggles herself at times, as we all do, l find them very theraputic. I think she also teaches art and crafting online.

Van, not can.