Burn out, stress or exhaustion

[Urgsleepmoresleep]

Basically I can’t stop feeling angry all the time and feeling I am failing at everything. It’s exhausting.

I lost my mum unexpectedly 6 months ago. It was a shock, but life goes on. I wasn’t particularly close to my mum and only saw her a few times a year, but she was my cheerleader. I couldn’t get to her in time and her final goodbye was done via video call.

She left my dad absolutely in a mess. He has tried to cope, but struggles as he is lonely. My mum did everything for him. He is trying but relies on me and my sister for lots of help. He does lives close to my sister. It’s emotionally draining at times.

Work is stressful and we are going through a restructure where my job may not exist. I will have a job at a lower grade so security is there. But my boss gives no direction or clarity on anything. Makes life difficult for us as a team. We have spoken to her about it but she doesn’t listen. She is so critical she is making us all not feel we can do our roles. The team is unmotivated and unhappy and any ideas we have get taken on as our bosses.

Home life is fine except selling my house and buying a new one. Delays with contracts etc. Currently moved in temporary with my partner. However he sits and plays computer games loads so not much chatting. But we do plan date nights frequently. I am also doing a course at college that my boss promised me I would get study time, but it’s not appearing.

i am really angry all the time and I am unsure if it’s delayed grief, stress or burn out. I can’t stop getting angry and making myself a victim. I am trying hard to change my mindset, but all I really want to do is sleep for a week. No issues with mental health previously but I just want to stop everything? Rest and start again.

its confusing me. Any advice?

Look at what you're going through; the death of the mother you called your cheerleader, the disintegration of your father as a result, work uncertainty and a house move. All you need to add is a divorce and you've hit the bingo of all the most stressful events we ever face. No wonder you're angry - it's all gone shit and your emotions are all over the place.

Can you take some holiday? Even a few days to allow your body and mind to take stock of everything that's going on.

It would help to figure out, with your sister, a reliable support system (social services, a care home?) for your father, push all parties to get the house sale completed (and seriously question what your partner actually adds to your life) and let work glide for now - that's the least important.

Anger is the emotion that flares up when we experience something that's unfair or against our values - your life is the epitome of unfairness at the moment so be very kind to yourself.

Sorry for what you’re going through 💐
Sounds like the burnout I had after a period of stress and trauma.
I felt angry and impatient and just wanted to be on my own and ‘flee’ from everything.
Sounds like you’re dealing with the effects of grief along with the all the pressures you have on you. I wouldn’t underestimate all you have going on. It sounds a lot from the outside.
What helped me was getting some therapy for the trauma/stress and taking some time for myself by putting as many boundaries in with others as possible and cutting right back on responsibilities/tasks. I became honest with those around me about how I was feeling and delegated as much as possible so that I could rest as much as possible. Yoga and meditation also helped me. HTH x

It is not at all surprising that you’re feeling this way. You need some counselling to help
gather your thoughts and get yourself back on track. Does your company offer an employee assistance programme?

Hi OP I can fully empathise with you. Lost my Dad 3 months ago, moving house and am also getting a divorce. I had been off work for 9 weeks when Dad died and went back 3 weeks ago but this week I have fallen apart, it is all too much and my anxiety has sky rocketed. I just cannot cope, I have a high pressured job (nurse) and am like a zombie at work. I have started anti depressants but feel they are making me worse at the minute. I have counselling lined up via work but I know I need to be off sick again but am terrified of how it will look and my job being at risk (although the NHS is usually pretty good with stuff like this). I am hanging by a thread - not eating, bad stomach, a sense of being out of my body. I think you are experiencing all three things burnout, grief and stress. There is only so much a brain / body can cope with before the effects become too much and this is what you are feeling now. I would try therapy and can you take time off work? Here to handhold because it is truly shit x

@Eyesopenwideawake thank you. My dad doesn’t really need social services just a will to do things for himself. He is trying to get out, but I think he is lonely.

my partner is helping. He just doesn’t do emotions. If I told him how I felt he would support. I just don’t know how I feel yet.

@picturethispatsy and @littlecats yeah I think it is burn out. But lots of people off work so I feel I need to keep going. I have requested counselling from work so waiting a call back.

@honeyandfizz its shit. I feel like me and my partner are heading for a separation as I can’t express how I feel. I am just angry. All I can see now many months later is my mum with tubes round her. It only started a few weeks ago.

You need some time off and some counselling, right now.

Work can wait. This is your health. Get a GP appointment first.

@Urgsleepmoresleep
i agree with the above. You need to put yourself first or you will go under.

The thing you said about seeing your mum with all the tubes and having a delayed reaction is your brain trying to process the trauma. It’s common to have a delayed reaction. It’s a protective mechanism the brain uses.

@picturethispatsy maybe. I have been so busy since its all happened maybe not had time to process. Today was fine at work.

my partner is being very quiet so not too sure what’s going on there. Or in my mind i am overthinking