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Mental health

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Anxiety or something else?

1 reply

JupiterBlue · 15/07/2023 12:25

I have always felt anxiety and been described as "quiet and shy" by almost everyone. I had a few events in childhood which also made me quite socially anxious but nothing major. My Dad was the type of parent who would get angry if we made a mistake and wasn't the nicest to be around but ultimately I have thought it was just my personality to be naturally anxious. I was always told I would grow out of it.

I am 29 and married with one child and a few close friends and have managed to muddle through. I have always felt like my nervous system was in overdrive but it was manageable. Things like knocks at doors, and I have always felt like people thought I was socially anxious and "weird". I haven't really had normal conversations since I was in my early 20's unless it was with DH or close friends/family.

Recently it has worsened quite a bit. I've gone back to work/ started a new job after a few years as a SAHM and it has all spiralled. I get the butterfly feeling most days over basic interactions and problems. I'm having difficulty communicating with my colleagues in my new job and I feel like they don't like me at all. They do try but I find it difficult to muster up more than basic responses to things they asking me. Last week I passed my two months probation but I still feel like I am underperforming. My line manager told me that he wants me to feel part of the team and feels like I should be involved more. And a colleague described me as "naturally very quiet" which has made me feel very self conscious. I really need this job as our mortgage has doubled and general COL issues which has made my anxiety worse. I also have quite a bit of responsibility at work (accounting), and I find myself second guessing myself on basic things.

I just feel bad at everything and like there is something wrong with me. I don't really want to go to the doctors because I wouldn't know what to say. It's hard to describe what I'm feeling. I just don't feel like I fit in and like something very bad will happen at any moment. I also feel guilty about not being fun and interesting for the people around me.

OP posts:
Eyesopenwideawake · 15/07/2023 12:41

My Dad was the type of parent who would get angry if we made a mistake

I still feel like I am underperforming

Can you see the correlation between those two sentences?

When you grow up having to walk on eggshells in order to avoid the anger of the person who is supposed to be (one of) your role models and protectors then you are pretty much bound to be 'naturally anxious'.

Even now you are an adult and could feasibly tell anyone who got angry with you to fuck off you will always revert to that scared child who is constantly on edge and scanning for possible danger I get the butterfly feeling most days over basic interactions and problems No wonder your nervous system is in overdrive.

Have a look at this excellent article on Core Beliefs as a starting point;

https://www.betterrelationships.org.au/well-being/core-beliefs-self-acceptance

By understanding why you think the way you do you can start the process of changing it.

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