Brain fog after abuse

[uncertainalice]

I've just left a 20 year relationship - divorce, finances and arrangements for DC all sorted. Ex is still playing games but at least I'm further from them now.

I have a very responsible job, and I am really struggling to think coherently some of the time, and I don't know how to help myself get better. I work for myself so no HR support, my clients have been very understanding but I can't go on like I am, sertraline is helping a bit (but I've reduced the dose so I can actually feel something rather than the blunting I needed to get me through the divorce process). I had anxiety counselling via the GP at the time, and it was very helpful.

I just don't know how to get my head back to where it was, I used to be so sharp, business-wise, and now I am really struggling.

Any ideas/techniques that anyone can recommend please? I feel like I need a very, very long holiday but that isn't an option.

As you know, this is to be expected. Your brain's finally free to process what's been happening, and you've got a new reality to adjust to, with fresh prospects. Congratulations on getting out!

You're right about the very, very long holiday. The question is how to give your mind the space it needs without checking out of daily life? It's a form of PTSD, and a good therapist can really help if you can afford it. Some of the ways they helped me:

• Just discussing the issues with someone who's seen it before
• Guiding me to find activities that would relax my mind - walks in the park for me, with instructions on what to notice and do as my brain was so fried!
• Homework exercises to settle & clarify my thinking
• Hypnotherapy. This was the part I loved, as she was brilliant at guided visualisations. I went on half-hour holidays in my imagination, and really felt as if I'd spent days on my perfect beach!

If you haven't already, I'd recommend reading Lundy Bancroft's "Why Does He Do That?" and doing the Freedom Programme. This is to help your brain understand what happened and, crucially, that it doesn't need to stay on permanent alert for the same thing happening again.

Lundy's also got two blogs that contain much helpful material, here: older blog, newer blog.

Take care of yourself, and remember to be really impressed by yourself! x

Thank you @GarlicGrace that's all really helpful, especially your examples and I'll see if I can do something similar for myself...I don't have the spare cash for therapy just at the moment. I'll also have another look at Lundy Bancroft and the Freedom Programme, particularly to check out why I don't need to be on red alert now - I have noticed I am REALLY struggling to trust anyone atm, unsurprising as I found out my XH was someone totally different to who I thought he was, after 20 years together, so my poor brain/heart are definitely a bit fried.

I've got a couple of weeks' leave coming up so I'm going to treat myself to some good food and books to get lost in, and swim and explore...and hopefully that'll help as well.

Thank you for the congratulations too, that means a lot - I will try and remember to be impressed with myself 💙

I have no idea but completely understand what you are experiencing. The past few months I have gone through a death (my Dad, very sudden and traumatic) separated from stbxh due to it being horribly toxic on both sides and am moving house. In fact moving house today and am sitting here feeling sick with anxiety that I have burdened myself with a huge mortgage. I went back to work a few weeks ago (nurse, specialist role vv stressful) and I am just not coping. I sit there and listen but my brain cannot process the words and I feel a danger to my patients and my pin number. I spoke to occupation health yesterday and will most likely go off sick again but it is a new job and I feel like such a failure as I have already been off for 9 weeks when Dad died. I have some CBT lined up for next week but honest to god I am drowning here and my brain has shut down.

Try cooking with turmeric helps memory and concentration. Add ground black pepper at the end of cooking to aid absorption. In addition a small handful of nuts helps memory. I have one brazil nut three almonds and three walnuts.

Been sleeping badly from money stress but every little helps as they say.

thanks everyone, it really is debilitating isn't it, I can't believe how "stupid" (in the sense of stupor) I feel a lot of the time.

Funnily enough @Augustus40 I have been craving nuts, so I think I may give into it based on your advice. And @honeyandfizz I hope you are now nicely settled in your new place, take care of yourself.

I have also sold something so I can afford some therapy @GarlicGrace , the thought of being able to switch off sounds just...blissful...and from your description it sounds like a worthwhile investment. I will report back in case it's useful to anyone in the future.