Cancelling birthday plans - social anxiety

[ErickBroch]

As a background; always hated being the focus of attention, social anxiety, I am quite happy chatting to be people and super social but not if I feel the weight of any event is on me, if that makes sense. Hate hosting as I am convinced everyone will have a terrible time, even my own wedding/hen do I felt I could never truly let loose and enjoy as I am thinking about what others are all the time.

Current; I have a 'special' birthday coming up. Our house is a building site so couldn't do my go-to house party which is obviously relaxed. Planned to do a BBQ, bought a gazebo, new BBQ, ordered food. We are now a few days out, weather isn't looking good, so I am having a complete freak out and want to cancel the entire thing as I know it won't be a good time.

Feeling sad that I now won't do anything to celebrate at all, and feeling silly for spending money on food, decs, and other bits above. I can return some of it thankfully. Husband says I need to not worry so much & people will have a good time, but I just feel like I won't enjoy my own birthday if I go ahead.

Not sure what I am asking other than - do you agree with me about cancelling? As people will have a bad time, me included?

Hello! Totally sympathize - I’d do the same. I find inviting people round, or even asking mates for a walk or even calling them, super difficult. I think they’ll be bored/ dislike me too!
yet, when I do, it’s fun.
you’ve done really well being so organized! A shame to give up now.
DH is right - everyone will have fun - they’ll be chuffed to have been invited, chuffed at all the effort you’ve gone to. Chuffed to be out.

i think I’d delegate the bbq to DH and his mates, and I’d get my best mate in to help prep salads with a glass of wine and loud music - it’d be fun! And tell everybody to bring a Brolly.
also, if it does pour, imagine everyone squashed under the gazebo, sizzling sausages, your fave music and everyone in it together. If anything, it would be more memorable and fun than a perfect instagram do.
and if absolutely no one enjoys it, well..find cooler mates!
happy birthday!

The cure for anxiety is to do the thing you're anxious about.

If it rains, just cook all the stuff inside. I've had to do that loads of times.

I don't enjoy big parties but other people do. But it's your birthday so it should be something you enjoy. If it's already arranged would go ahead but consider something different in future years, we did a trip away. If not I would consider something different.

Look, you worried you’re going to have a bad time if it goes ahead. If you cancel it, you’ll also have a bad time because you won’t be doing anything to celebrate, as you said, AND everyone else will have bad time because they’ll have had their weekend plans cancelled. So you’re all going to have a bad time either way.

Except if you go ahead there’s a chance you might have a good time AND you’ll have not given in to your anxiety which you can be proud of AND it will help you next time something like this comes up.

Don't cancel.

Everyone underestimates how much they get out of social events and overestimates the work involved and the things that can go wrong. This is even more true if you have anxiety.

You've got to do the things that make you uncomfortable to find out that you can. So go for it.

thank you everyone for the nice comments. I was nervous about posting, I forget not all of MN is AIBU!

It has rained heavy all day here & same expected tomorrow. I am feeling much better as I spoke to my friends and they were happy to change plans to go out for dinner together and then a small group will come back to mine for drinks. Feeling a lot better now I have some different plans.

Glad you were able to change to something you prefer.