Please or to access all these features

Mental health

Mumsnet hasn't checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you have medical concerns, please seek medical attention.

Feeling so much dislike towards myself.

9 replies

Sad1001 · 11/07/2023 22:14

That's tame really. I mean, I really dislike myself. In every way. People would never know as outwardly, I am the happiest person you would ever meet with a constant smile.
I'm late thirties now and nothing to show for it. I feel I am extremely odd and ugly on the outside but also not good enough on the inside.
I won't describe my looks as too outing if I go into detail. Needless to say, I could make a long list of things that I hate about how I look. I have no recent photos of myself and when one is taken that I am unaware of, I feel deep shame as I look so very ugly. I'm sure people feel sorry for me because of my looks but also because of other things. The fact that I am so quiet and socially awkward. People comment regularly that I have a strange accent which should not be the case as I am UK based and born and never moved away. They often end up imitating my voice or certain words which makes me feel really embarrassed. As well as that, I can never think of interesting things to say to anyone and although I am well liked at work, I can't think why because my scintillating conversation is definitely not it. I often worry that as well as two chronic health conditions, that I also have autism but then other things dont fit and I think even if I did pursue a diagnosis, would it really help as I feel it would only make me feel worse. I've been through a lot of medical stuff over the past few years with treatments still ongoing as they tend to be for chronic illnesses so this just feels like something else to worry about.
I have no friends as lost touch with previous ones, single and no close extended family. I feel my family just see me as someone who is lacking. Especially my mother who I feel makes a lot of digs about not reaching my full potential etc. I do feel she has put me down throughout my life, perhaps not even realising what she is doing as I feel she is so unhappy with herself but I am tired of being the glue in the family. Supporting everyone else while being overlooked as well as treated as the scapegoat in the family. I feel I am only loved for what I do for them, not who I am. I feel embarrassed that they have me as a daughter, but I didn't ask to be brought into this world. As for work, I am temping at the moment but the shifts and work are physically exhausting and I hate it. Another thing I feel shame about is that I have a degree but its in a bit of a pointless subject so I feel it's been a waste of time but again, I know that's something that's held against me. Sometimes I feel I spend so much time feeling deep shame and people pleasing. Almost like I am embarrassed to be here and exist. Right now, I feel numb. I used to write in journals for hours, now nothing.
I'm tired of calling myself ugly and feeling disgust at my face and my life. This is too long and I wouldn't blame anyone for passing by. Just wanted to offload and drop my guard for once.

OP posts:
Eyesopenwideawake · 12/07/2023 08:54

The only thing that happens when we beat ourselves up is that we end up beaten.

Looks don't define us but when you feel low it's an easy target for self loathing because it's the part of us we see every day.

I would hazard a guess that if you had a supporting and loving mother (and, in turn, she had had the same) your self view would be completely different. You CAN change the way you feel, the way you think and the way you live your life. Have you ever considered therapy or counselling?

Sad1001 · 12/07/2023 18:53

I think I just don't feel deserving of it.
I just want to stop feeling shame. That and anxiety is all I seem to feel. I never feel peaceful, proud of myself or happy. It's exhausting.

OP posts:
Eyesopenwideawake · 12/07/2023 21:50

These videos on toxic shame might help you understand why you feel the way you do. When you can work out where it comes from you can start to challenge and change it;

s
s

Negative Core Belief Schema & Toxic Shame: Part 1

In part one of this two-part mini-series, Lana Seiler (MSW, LCSW, Clinical Manager - Traumatic Stress Program at APN) dives into the idea of negative core be...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?t=76s&v=ARqB_fbznoo

Sad1001 · 13/07/2023 21:17

Thank you, will take a look. Feeling really down today. 😔

OP posts:
Doglovesbooksx · 13/07/2023 21:34

I'm so sorry you're feeling this way. How did it feel to write it all down? Have you ever let anyone know how you feel in real life? 💛

thecatinthetwat · 13/07/2023 21:42

Op, I wonder how much your mothers voice/attitude is in your own head. If you think about it, you wouldn’t choose to put it there, but it has snuck in without you noticing, perhaps a very long time ago.

Eyesopenwideawake · 13/07/2023 21:48

I'm sorry you're feeling this way. If you look at your first post there's a lot of subjective beliefs in there;

I feel I am extremely odd and ugly on the outside but also not good enough on the inside.

I'm sure people feel sorry for me because of my looks but also because of other things.

I feel I am only loved for what I do for them, not who I am.

I know that's something that's held against me

When we have negative thoughts they can be very persuasive but what if they weren't actually true?

Sad1001 · 13/07/2023 21:55

Trying not to be outing, but there is mental illness in my own family which has resulted in police visits, months of horrendous stress which I have actively had to help everyone else through while also struggling with my own mental health as at the time was seriously ill with the first of my chronic illnesses which was causing many delibitating symptoms. Alongside that, I was expected to be the therapist and the voice of reason. I remember my mum saying at the time that she couldn't cope if I also got depressed. I honestly feel like I only exist to support others and look after them. To be the strong one and support them all. I do a caring role as a job as well. I am mentally exhausted in an emotional sense as I feel like I have nothing left to give anyone anymore. And yes, I am resentful. Because nobody ever seems to consider my emotional needs and health. Physically or emotional. Any part of my health. I feel completely unimportant.
I feel embarrassed also as at my age, I shouldn't be worrying about what my mother thinks and says to me. I should be worrying about my kids or my marriage etc. It's embarrassing. Feels exposing to say all of this but I needed an outlet.

OP posts:
Doglovesbooksx · 13/07/2023 22:19

That sounds incredibly difficult. No wonder your mental health is suffering. Please know that you have positive qualities, even if you find it difficult to see them. For a start, from your posts I can tell that you are intelligent, eloquent and caring. I know it's probably the last thing you feel like doing, but it really would be best to speak to a trained counsellor. No one could deal with all of that on their own 💛

New posts on this thread. Refresh page