Psoriasis is making me suicidal

[ShadowPuppets]

I developed psoriasis after the birth of my second child last year, it’s been mild until the last couple of months. It’s now severe, all over my body and face. I can’t move without it cracking and bleeding. I’m itchy every second of the day. Whenever I leave the house people stare at me. One section in my cleavage has a fungal infection. I can’t sleep. I can’t have sex. Work have agreed I can WFH until this flare is under control. But I can’t see it ever happening. I have a private consultant appointment on Wednesday but my private medical insurance won’t cover it and I can’t afford private treatment so I’ve no idea what happens next.

It’s been the hardest year of my life since youngest was born - I had PND, relationship has been tricky, DH lost his job, money worries etc. I’ve lent on DH so much and I really don’t know how much more I can take. I have great family and friends but they’re all going through their own shit at the moment.

I know my beautiful DD and DS need me here but I look like a monster. I’ve got no energy to do anything, I don’t want to leave the house, I’m skipping lunch today because we don’t have any food in and I can’t face going to the shop because my face is bleeding and I look like a freak. If this is what my life is now I don’t want to go on. I don’t know why I’m posting but I’m at home alone crying on my bed, leaving bloodstains everywhere and wondering what I did to get dealt such an unfair hand. I don’t know how I can go on.

I'll go into much more detail. I think coeliac disease was my main trigger but psoriasis is often multifactorial and the underlying mechanisms are different for everyone. Its an imbalance of t cells where too many niave t cells become inflammatory th17 cells and not enough become anti inflammatory tregs. It's a multi system disease which caused inflammation in every major organ and your cardiovascular system , joints, etc.
I had moderate psoriasis for 15 years more severe past 5 years with nail involvement and the beggining of joint involvement. Light therapy works well for me but it always comes back after a couple months . I was not keen for methotrexate I became obsessed with finding out what was driving it for me as it is different for everyone.
I became obsessed with epigenetics and got some genetic testing done, this led to me discovering the coeliac disease but also mthfr homozygous c677t amongst many other things like complement activation and other homozygous genes assossiated with detoxification. I believe triggers were mainly coeliac disease, extreme poor gut health and very poor methylation.
I stopped gluten
Ate mainly 80% wholefoods
Infra red sauna blanket regularly (I love this)
Methylated b vitamins, omegas and glutathione
More daylight exposure.
Stopped working nights
And within 6 months the psoriasis I had for years and years was reduced by 95% , nails normal and joint pain gone.
If you fancy learning about epigentics and getting to the route of your own gene problems I recommend dr ben lynch dirty genes book as a start point into this world and reddit its good for a nosey.
Good luck I know its hell. You need to get it under control though , whether that's naturally or with systemic medications as that unchecked crazy level of inflammation will lead to cancers and cardiovascular disease and other autoimmune diseases . You will get on top of this!!!
Short term relief for me at the worst points was, high dose omega 3 supplemnts , dead sea salt baths and enstillar foam.

Sorry also to say, research the gut brain axis. You are depressed because psoriasis is horrible but it also completely depletes endorphins and this makes you feel horribly depressed. You will not always feel like this! You will get this under control! I'm medical myself but I do highly recommend a complementary approach here to wholistic health - maybe you could visit a naturopath of you can afford to? For me personally (I'm in uk) the nhs will offer you methotrexate or ciclosporine , you have to fail these prior biologics being approved. For many with methylation defects methotrexate may worsen psoriasis and cause liver toxicity. I will personally never take it now that I understand my genetic snps. It may work well for you. But the nhs will blindly give it without ever knowing if it's literally going to poison you. A dr friend of mine has long term liver toxicity from taking methotrexate for PSA years later and she took it less than a month, it made her so ill. I believe Western medicine in the UK gets it completely wrong with autoimmune disease. They take a blanket cost effective approach with no individualised care whatsoever and prescribe a load of medications to people who should never have been given them. If I was you I would be looking into wholistic approaches/whilst finding out about my own genes and seeking dermatology for a course of phototherapy at the same time.

I just want to say please don't give up.
I have been through HIDEOUS psoriasis from head to toe (including in my ears and one ear drum perforated). I looked like a freak. People stared at me and I remember did not want to sit next to me on the tube or train.
My health insurance paid for the flare up but once it settled would not cover any further treatment as it was a 'chronic' illness.
However I did get it under control in 12 months.
Ask for an urgent dermatologist referral due to impact on you physically and mentally, then as for biological/ systemic treatments
GPS can carry on prescribing methotrexate
I had protopic for my face which my GP could prescribe.

I used dream cream from Lush
Body shop banana hair mask for my scalp
Steroids only helped for a few weeks
The sunshine really helped
I took otc vitamin D
I stopped using any other skincare and only used child's farm bubble bath and shower gel and also did oats in the bath.

Please don't give up but stay strong and demand the GP refer you and until then prescribe the strongest drugs they can

I have plaque psoriasis and my skin is completely clear with drugs called biologics which I inject every two weeks. They were prescribed by a dermatologist who I initially consulted privately but moved to NHS to get put on the medication. It’s changed my life. I think you need to have failed with two topical treatments first but this may have been relaxed as the drugs are becoming less expensive. The impact on quality of life and mental health is an important factor in qualifying for the treatment. Good luck.

Have you a bath? My baby was covered in excema and the gP told me put a half cup of bleach in there to stop it getting infected..baths twice a day.. and haldens base as soap..I don’t know if that would help you.. also to moisten the skin I applied liquid paraffin gel 2 hourly.. or if you apply steroid cream slather Vaseline over it .. bless you I hope you get relief soon.. just wear cotton pyjamas over it all..

Adding in another endorsement for the biologic meds. I don't have psoriasis, I have Crohn's disease, but that's also autoimmune and many of the treatments are actually the same. I've been on various biologics for about the last 10 years, and currently take one you can self inject every week or two which is also used to treat psoriasis. It's been fantastic, and has really helped my symptoms. Don't worry too much about the side effects - yes, they are potentially a bit scary but as the medication works for me I'm happy to take that risk, and you'll have regular monitoring blood tests to check for any issues.

I am sorry you feel like this, please tell the consultant when you see them. My last massive flare up, I cried on the dermatologist and the support I got was amazing.
Everyone has different triggers and different things help them and so you need to find yours. The frustration is that there isn't a quick fix. Please do know that just because it is bad right now, doesn't mean it will always be. I have flares and then calmness. I had my first bits of psoriasis when I was doing my Alevels, but just a few patches here and there. After the birth of my first baby, I had a MASSIVE flare and was suddenly 75% covered in psoriasis, when the dermatologist said it, I felt some relief like I wasn't imagining how bad it was! That flare up they took me off steroids and put me on all tar based products (exorex), what a difference that made! I no longer use steroid based products because they do nothing for me. My second big flare up was when I cried on them! They offered my sunlight therapy, what a difference that made (please try and do this through the hospital because they filter out as many UVs that aren't necessary to the treatment to make it safer). As I say, you will need to find what works for you because sunlight therapy / tar doesn't work for everyone.
Please please know that this is a point in time and it will get better. Sending you great big cuddles xx

I know someone who had it all their life and saw the biggest improvement taking high strength vit D