Return to work after 'breakdown'

[kizziee]

I recently returned to work after 3 months off (severe anxiety and depression.)
Just wondered if anyone else had experience / tips.
I still feel very shaky but I'm not sure that staying off any longer would have actually helped the going back. It was always going to be difficult but I'm really worried about going downhill again.
I'm doing everything to try and avoid that happening. (Like most people I need to work.)
I've gone back part time initially and been very open with my boss. Work being very supportive and I know I'm really lucky to have that.

Ps I may need to change my medication at some stage but that would be further down the line. My boss knows that it's a possibility. (It's working a little but not fully. Because I've struggled with medication in the past have decided with Dr to just stick with if for now. I'm having some sessions with a psychologist too.)

Been there and done that! A while ago now.

I had to go back FT as couldn't afford to live on PT pay, which I was offered for phased return. It was very much three steps forward, one step back for quite a while, but I knew that might be the case.

What did help was being in a routine again with work which actually helped my recovery. Having to eat meals at regular times, being sensible about going to bed at a reasonable time all helped how I was feeling. I used to go for a walk at lunchtimes to break the day up and get some fresh air. It gradually got easier.

It was a while ago now. I've since become a manager and quite senior and I think going through all that before has helped me to be a better manager? I also did counselling and found that has had longterm benefits too.

Good luck!

For me I had to take things very much step by step. So breaking down each stage into a mental check list “brush teeth (tick), shower (tick), get dressed (tick)” etc because once I was out the house/on the bus I would be ok. Leaving the house and getting ready would be where I was most likely to give in to it.

I would also think of it like “I’m going into work today” rather than going back to work as an ongoing thing as that can make it feel more overwhelming than it is.

I think if you work out which part might be the hardest and focus on managing that and putting whatever tools in place you might need.

Hi OP I had a breakdown and went back to work after three months. The first half of the year was HARD but afterwards it was ok (I was in therapy too). Now it's been three years since the event and I am healthier than I was before. You can do this :) all the best!

Thank you so much for the messages - really appreciated.
Can I just ask if you all took medication or if it was other things that helped recovery.
I'm feeling really shaky tonight but I know today was quite a big deal so trying just to accept it.

Sorry that doesn't make sense as I hadn't explained it. Today was the first time since I returned where I took part in a meeting.

You’ve taken the first (and hardest!) step by going back and that’s amazing. What medication are you taking? I think key is baby steps, gradually re-engaging and understanding what your triggers are for stress and how to manage them.

What helps keep your anxiety/stress down? For me it was managing my thoughts. Doing some body /breath awareness. I found out of work yoga and meditation were helpful.

I'm taking an old tricyclic called clomipramine. I was already on a very low dose (which I'd been really well on for a number of years) so increased dose back to therapeutic level.
Dr says I may need to try something like sertraline but have had problems switching in past so hoping I can settle on this.
I'm doing really basic things like puzzles / colouring / rubbish tv.
I also do you tube yoga and the tapping app. No idea if the tapping does any good but I don't suppose will do any harm.

Menopause also may be playing a part. Fully in menopause now. (Not trying HRT at the moment because I've had probs with hormones in past - but may do in future.)

I had Prozac which helped a lot (I had Sertraline when I had post natal depression because of breastfeeding but the side effects were worse for me). I stayed on it u til I was back to my usual self and felt I was on an even keel.

I also did counselling and some cognitive behaviour therapy - there's a book called 'Mind over mood'.

Feeling really shaky again this morning. Going to really try with all the breathing etc today

@RidingMyBike what side effects did you get with sertraline ?

@Wakemeup17 do you mind if I ask more about the first 6 months. My anxiety is really high (I was hoping that work would distract me.) I'm really worried about things going further downhill but I do need to work and I'm not sure that staying off longer would have helped either.

I really feel for you. Well done for going back to work even though you may be finding it quite overwhelming at the mo.

I had a breakdown in 2013. Have since been diagnosed with anxiety (health) and panic disorder. I also have BPD. I was nt working after my breakdown but do now and have had many a wobbly day and even months. I had a relapse in 2016, 2021 and now.

It's great that work our supportive. Is there someone there you really trust who you can have a chat with at lunch or can just be near you? I find being around ppl helpful and having things to look forward to. I'm also going to be trying a mood diary and getting into an exercise routine to get rid of the dreaded adrenaline.

Lots of best wishes to you.

Really nauseous initially, and feeling a bit giddy and out of it. But I also had a newborn at the time and wasn't sleeping as I was so anxious which didn't help. The side effects improved once I started splitting the dose and taking half in the morning and half in the evening instead of once a day.

I didn't get any side effects from Prozac.

Thanks @RidingMyBike
@Prettypoppies50 I'm sorry you are going through a relapse at the moment. I hope things settle for you soon.

I was in sertraline and I had different side effects. I was very dry mouthed for the first two weeks and had very vivid dreams throughout. I couldn’t lose weight on them when I had a pt and a low calorie diet but I was on the pill two so it might have been a combo. But I didn’t have any other side effects.

Not all, ask away. I changed jobs so I had a new job but it got me out of the house. But for the first six months I would cry on the way to work and on the way back I cried or was fighting the urge to drive off the bridge... It was awful. I had lots of intrusive thoughts in the middle of the day too. I wasn't on any medication, I had some benzos to see me through the worst of it (in the beginning) and then "just in case" but you are not supposed to drive on them and I drove to work so they weren't an option.

Thank you @Wakemeup17
Did you take ADs in the end.
I'm on them but don't think they are doing huge amount (?)
My anxiety is in overdrive . It's just 'there' like a physical thing.
I'm going to really try all the relaxation stuff over next few days.

Thank you for the info about sertraline

I’ve just had 6 months off due to a breakdown / post natal depression. I’ve had 5 weeks back in work on a phased return. Similarly to what I’ve read PP it’s getting out of the house I find the worst - once I’m at work I’m taking things gently and reminding myself it’s okay to not be okay & tell my line manager if I’m having a bad day. I’m taking 100mg sertraline and it was very quick to reduce my anxiety levels and intrusive thoughts stopped almost immediately. Yes, I had dry mouth and some nausea and felt like a zombie at first but not having the worry palpitations anymore is worth it. The biggest difference to my life though was therapy. I’ve been seeing an Alderian trained counsellor and it’s been life changing. I’m still having wobbles now and again (like today) but I feel better equipped to cope with my emotions and not let them build. I hope your return to work goes well. Any questions, feel free to ask! All the best OP!

Thank you @VanityKase - glad things going well.
Had an awful day today. Anxiety off the scale and I ended up sobbing because just couldn't stand it anymore.
(I know I'm meant to just 'accept' the anxiety but just couldn't do it today - was just so overpowering.)
The anxiety is just there - no linked to specific thoughts but it feels paralysing and I feel so ill with it.
I'm really worried if I'm going to be able to continue with my job and I'm the main bread winner. I really love my job when I feel ok but it's quite stressful and I can't seem to think straight with it at the moment.

The key for me was the practical support I got from my management chain.

My immediate manager was amazing. We had short daily meetings to start with. At the beginning I don't think I would have turned up to work every day if he hadn't put that in place. It meant I could explain to him that, for instance, "today is a really bad anxiety day and I'm having trouble with sorting out what my priorities should be" and we'd spend 10 mins running through things. I didn't have to wait to speak to him, I didn't have to approach him if things were bad, we had that meeting arranged every day so I always had an opportunity to say if things weren't going so well. And he prioritised that meeting and didn't miss a single one no matter how busy he was.

I also have been given a lot of flexibility which helped, for instance sometimes I just couldn't get through the day and I'd log off early rather than sit and stew in front of my screen unable to progress any work. I also had support from my manager's manager, and his manager - they didn't know chapter and verse of the issues I was having but they knew "something went very wrong", they would check in periodically.

I wasn't back to 100% when I initially went back to work but the support I got meant I could work and recover in parallel with my manager understanding what "recovered" looks like and working with me to make sure things were set up to help maintain that.

You've said your work are very supportive - what does that look like in practice?

No, I didn't take any ADs but I was in therapy.