How do I get out of a funk?!

[Moomoola]

Been a rough year and I think the school hols have done me in. DD ran off at Xmas to be with f to m medicalised partner and her mum. Now none contact as we are transphobia bigot’s, obviously.
DH struggling, son hiding on computer. I’ve had fantastic help off other mn’s, but today I can’t deal any more. I’ve a huge list of diy tasks, today I can’t even manage to iron the clothes. Feeling guilty, failure, rejected. Even knowing DH will be fed up with me when he gets in after a long hard day at work isn’t helping. Usually I can pick myself up but today I’ve just fallen off a cliff. Just need a friendly voice I guess, if anyone can spare one!

I find the best way out is to move, take DH for a walk and possibly a takeaway treat so no cooking/dish washing pressure. Try to get DS to go to but that might be a bridge too far. Try for 3-5 miles so its physical and takes enough time to reset your mood. Best of luck!

i agree - get out for a walk! Takeaway for tea and actually just do very little! Give yourself permission to self care - for several months if need be! Also don't right off meds if you're not on them - i did for years having been on them as a teen but a need for reducing my anxiety/stress due to ectopic heartbeats, which react to stress & anxiety i decided to try anti depressants again. My god! i didn't realise how depressed i was - i feel so much better in myself.

Thank you so much for getting back to me! Very very appreciated.
silly, but can’t justify a walk, as still haven’t done kitchen. But, oh! It’s nice to stand in garden! But a takeaway sounds fab. Maybe even tea out - I think we are all a bit gloomy tbh.
urghh isn’t it funny how you can not actually know you are depressed? I started Sertraline last summer when mum died, so imagine that’s helping.
thank you ! I think it’s fabulous to know there are friendly people out there.

Kitchen can/should wait, take care of you and a walk with DH sharing should eliminate any need for the kitchen to be done today. Best of thoughts and hopes for speedy improvements!

Thank you! Just mentioned to DH as he’s driving home that I found today a struggle with bored DS and my own mood. He doesn’t want to hear that, he wants progress, I.e. for me to get in touch with DD. But she’s ignoring us.

Kitchen can wait. You'll function better for having had some fresh air, sunlight and movement.

You're investing in yourself.

I've read your other threads.

You need to think about the airplane emergency procedures.

You need your own oxygen supply before you can help others.

I'm not surprised you are exhausted mentally and physically.

Your DH expects a lot from you and gives little support in return.

Personally I think you need to go away by yourself (maybe with DS) but without DH to recharge.

Nothing fancy. Just peaceful.

In the meantime accept you can't fix the situation you are in any more than your DH can.

I also think you need to go back to work.

The dynamic of you not working to "sort" DD is not sustainable.

You need to get your own life back

Thanks what and thanks bread sorry to post everywhere! I wonder what you mean by DH expecting a lot and giving little in return?
he works long days and in a difficult job. I am supposed to do up the house. And am fannying around not getting anything done.
I am worried I’m falling off a cliff. I can’t cope with DH being exhausted and down about work and DD. Oxygen masks and a walk first thing. Thank you everyone.

Music. Something you can dance around the kitchen to while you clean
A podcast for ironing. Eg my therapist ghosted me or something else funny.

Then a walk is essential. Can you turn it into an errand eg drop something at charity shop
you got this!

Thanks rainbow queen! I shall play dancing queen in your honor, you’ve given me a boost with your,‘you’ve got this’ phrase.
I bloody well have.

I really get this. It's been an insanely sad and difficult year, and DH have both hit a wall and now I feel completely flat about most things and tbh I think anti depressants are on the cards.

Contrary to this thread...if one more person tells me to go for a walk I shall scream!

I seem to be going for some sort of midlife crisis instead...finding my social life again, fielding random inappropriate crushes and dressing like a teenager.

I don't know what to tell you 🤷🏻‍♀️ It's probably unhealthy as fuck but it's more fun than going for a damn walk.

😂😂well that’s cheered me up! Go you!

Agh, I’m back again. Woken up with crippling anxiety re son being bored, DH being overworked and depressed.
don’t know how to cope.

Sorry 😆 It's actually not really funny and I do feel very...meh...a lot of the time and am struggling to find my joy in things. It worries me that I'm finding it outside of my family, where things are easier, tbh.

Hoping I'll find my way back!

I’m sure you will, - you still have a sense of humor, and ‘meh’ is pretty high up on the scale - not quite’woop woop’ but a long way from ‘ nuuuuurrrgggghhhhhhh’
you’ve got this!

morning anxiety is the worst! i get it badly in the morning - every morning!! That sets off ectopic heart beats 😫🤦🏽‍♀️ I exercise first thing and that does help release some adrenaline but without fail the anxiety is back next morning. Hope the week got better for you! x

Thanks urgghh I’ll try that. I find that I get dry heaves in the morning, it’s horrible! Assuming that’s too much stress. I hope you’re having a good week, and that exercise is working.

I'm just popping a Propanalol to head off to work so...that feels super healthy 🤨

That made me laugh!
if it’s any consolation a friend works in the pharmacy here and says virtually everyone who lives is on some sort of anti .depressant/anxiety pill.were Not alone!

I'm not familiar with your previous threads, but is it possible your anxiety and other feelings are linked to perimenopause?
I didn't realise quite how anxious I was until HRT reduced the feelings.

As for your dh, it's not solely on you to fix things with your dd. You can only control what you do, not anyone else's response to it. I think I would text dd and keep a light tone, so she knows you still love her and then it won't be so hard for her to re establish contact when she's ready. If there's big gaps of silence from you, her pride might get in the way. But your dh needs to hear that you cannot just fix this.
Maybe as a couple you need to talk this through with a therapist?

Thanks ladybird that is a very good suggestion re texts. I was thinking not to contact her as she’s requested’more time’ but that feels wrong somehow.

I wish it was perimenopause! I think it’s just life. But yes, lots to be grateful for.

Kids are hard work. I suspect my son's gf (who he lives with) at best tolerates me, and thinks I'm an intolerant transphobe because I think drag is misogynistic and that sex is not changeable. I just keep things civil and communicate directly with my son and keep it light. He knows I love him and am here if he needs me. That's all you can do really. And try to make your own life as happy and satisfying as you can and not let this (hopefully temporary) distance take over your whole life and mood.

Thanks ladybird it’s crazy that this is dividing families. What on earth is happening to people? And it’s so big, and so messy, it can never be discussed rationally, so everyone has to get all emotional. Very clever.
It’s amazing how we are all transphobes. I’ve done a quiz and apparently I’m genderqueer as I’ve never felt particularly girly and wear men’s jumpers. .I shall demand a party, with cake! With sprinkles! How do II know what it feels like to be anything other than lil old me.
good advise though, I’ll take the making my own life happy and satisfying.
I hope everyone is feeling better x