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Depression and Isolating.

3 replies

Houseforme · 28/06/2023 21:36

I have 3 or 4 friends who I see every now and again. Not on a particularly regular basis but it is good to keep in touch. The problem is it takes effort to be sociable. I don't want to loose my friends and usually enjoy their company when I make the effort to see them but they have no idea how low my current mood is. I'm isolating myself a bit and it is perpetuating things even more. I think I feel a lot of shame and as if I'm attention seeking if I admit to all this. I also feel like I've got to be on form/provide that listening ear or whatever instead of being truly authentic (I'm getting better at this) but right now I don't want to depress anyone else with my negative outlook on life. I also realise it is not a good thing to become isolated. Basically, I think I want someone to collude with me about the difficulties of life and society. My friends also have issues regarding family members and again, I am a good listening ear - in many ways I make a good friend but tend to not offload. Then, I get the advice from people who don't understand the true crippling nature of anxiety why don't you try x and y when they clearly haven't a clue (luckily for them). Occasionally I laugh with people and then wonder what is going on because the majority of the time my mood is low.

I'm fighting for help from the NHS for recommended therapy. This has compounded things as there is a lot of gatekeeping to treatment that I am entitled to. This is also making my view of society (and most people in it) even more negative. I can't seem to shake it and prefer being with animals or nature (I have immediate family - dh and dc). Attending psychotherapy (on a private basis) but again, whilst it is taking the edge of things and has helped it's not enough to get me out of this spiral. I'm looking into a different type of therapy but so fed up it all cost ££££££'s which makes me feel frustrated (it's like a double thing of having suffered and now having to pay out money for something that may or may not work).

Perimenopause making things even worse. I think people easily irritate me. Started HRT a couple of months ago and whilst it has taken the edge off anxiety (underlying condition of anxiety so bad in the first place), I am still essentially anxious and now depressed. Review due in August. I am also taking testosterone and I was hoping it would give me a bit more zest but it hasn't done. I'm in the zone of thoughts that the best of life has happened it's all down hill from here (I've read there is often a mid-life slump around 50). Wondering how the hell things are going to pick up from here. Not suicidal but kind of had enough of life (hobbies that once held interest now lack a lot of joy). And yes, I can be grateful but life feels difficult because of the anxiety. I've tried lots of AD's. May even benefit from a mood stabiliser but this is going to require psychiatry input and what's the hope of that on the NHS.

Needed to vent somewhere, thank you if you have read this far. Will also post this on the menopause board.

OP posts:
Floatinglikeafeather · 30/06/2023 22:08

Your post bought a tear to my eye, as it is exactly how I feel, but I struggle to put it into words. Thankyou xx

Houseforme · 30/06/2023 23:05

Floatinglikeafeather I hope you are doing okay. I'm sorry to hear you are struggling too. I'm happy for you to p.m. me if you want to talk some more.

I understand about not being able to put some things into words and I too have read occasional threads which have been able to do this for me.

The state should be ashamed about the lack of care it provides for individuals like us. There are a whole raft of things I would like to see changed. I have an idea for this and will be putting suggestions forward. Unlikely to change things but if I don't try, so I'm going to.

Holding fast and treading water at the moment. I have been able to talk to one friend and that is a start. I think because I'm gradually gaining a better understanding of how I've got to this point (plus perimenopause) it will ease my sense of shame. Lot's of realisations are happening currently, though no specific changes.

OP posts:
CrazilySensitive · 02/07/2023 03:58

I feel similar. Don't know where to turn. Not menopause in my case. I've got OCD and I suspect ADHD (not diagnosed with the latter) and I'm super sensitive. Small upsets can hurtle into a pit of despair for weeks on end. I can't find anyone who understands really. I put on a brave face to get through the week, but I'm not functioning properly and spent most of yesterday in bed. I woke up about 3am today. I have friends, but hate the feeling of burdening people. Don't know what to do other than wait to feel better...
Take care of yourself x

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