Hi all,
I’m looking for some help and advice please as I’m really struggling at the moment.
I had my little boy 5 weeks ago, he’s wonderful and I feel sick with guilt that I feel so low despite him being such a lovely much wanted baby. Fortunately, I’ve had no issues bonding with him and love him dearly.
I had a really difficult pregnancy with hypermesis gravidarum (HG) throughout. I ended up in hospital with this on several occasions.
I also suffer with chronic migraines which I’ve had my entire life. I push through and hold down a full time job etc. Treatment helps a bit but I’m still left experiencing migraines and/or daily headaches. Although the migraines improved during pregnancy they have returned with full force since having my baby.
Just to complicate things, as a consequence of the HG (weight loss and bile build up,) I’ve now got gallstones and am experiencing very severe pain several times a week. I ended up in hospital numerous times with this towards the end of my pregnancy. Im currently waiting for a date to have my gallbladder removed. The thought of leaving my baby whilst I go into hospital makes me cry and I feel like a failure for not being there for him.
I feel embarrassed that I’ve had so many issues HG, chronic migraine and gallstones.
With all of this going on I’m struggling to cope and feel completely overwhelmed. I can’t sleep at night as my little one is feeding every hour or so and every day I wake up feeling worse than the day before.
I haven’t been able to breastfeed (for multiple reasons) and this is something I have really struggled to deal with. I also wasn’t able to have immediate skin to skin contact straight after birth, and now I’m worried that my son won’t love me or be bonded with me the same.
I’m worried I’m an awful mum because he’s only 5 weeks old and I already feel like I can’t cope. I don’t feel like I’m giving him 100% when I’m feeling so awful. Everything is taking its toll and I don’t know what to do.
This is the first time I’ve expressed how I’ve been feeling so please be kind.