I'm trying, but what now?

[She333]

Following a few bloody hard years (infertility, career instability, house anxiety, strained relationships) my once very strong resolve has been reduced to a withered mess.

Don't trust my instincts, lost my confidence, don't find joy in things like I used to.

The obvious answer is counselling. Thing is, I've tried it. Various times, various people. Anybody else find they just say the wrong thing? At my last appointment the counsellor listened to me let out my anger and sadness, and I was pushed towards a reflexologist and off her plate.

Tonight I've challenged a group of lads (age 12ish) dropping litter in the street. Didn't raise my voice, but stood there for a good few minutes asking them to sort it out. DH thinks I have anger issues, misdirected. Quite possibly.

So my question... What can I do?

Have you had DBT? In my experience and that of people I know, it's on a different level to most forms of therapy.

Thanks, I hadn't come across that so looked it up. One of the things is about letting go of the past emotions, but I think I have the opposite problem.

I think I'm not focusing on them enough to process them, rather I'm blocking it out and having the wrong reactions to other situations as a result.

It is hard to explain but DBT is very good at helping you learn to pause and process difficult feelings rather than being overwhelmed by them. Whether these are current situations or ones from the past. DBT is known to work well for people who are affected by traumatic experiences in their pasts.

Life coaching might be more useful. I didn't find counselling particularly helpful, just a vent and a moan and very past-focused. Whereas life coaching is about moving towards a happier future. I've had the courage to do some out of comfort zone stuff and of course it brings up past trauma but dealing with that in the context of moving towards what I want / good things in life is much more manageable than just sitting around focusing on it iyswim.

Funny you should say that @MrsElsa I've recently started coaching and it's been way more positive than years and years of therapy I've had. The sheer difference between wallowing and finding a path forward has really helped me. I would suggest trying that ?

I started for work reasons but my personal non work life has been more of a focus. Turns out there is very little "wrong" with me at work but rather all my emotions get in the way of me dealing with day to day crap.

How are you doing now op? I too have tried counselling and various psychotherapy.

I have just written a post in chat about whether I now have to accept anxiety as my life and learn to live with it. 50 and no career/job, living with trauma and easily triggered...not to mention the peri-menopause on top (I'm taking HRT).

Interestingly, I'm awaiting DBT. Finding it difficult to believe that after all these years things will change around. Can absolutely relate to your lack of joy and for me lack of direction. I feel withdrawn but it leaves me fairly isolated and I'm fearful of this.