New parent with anxious attachment tendencies

[tryingmybestmama]

As someone who leans more towards the anxious attachment side of the attachment theory spectrum, I think about how I am raising my 1 y.o. baby boy as the attachment styles can start appearing in as early as 9 month old babies (referring to the strange situation experiment).

For example, I never let my baby cry it out. He doesn't sleep through the night and we co-sleep. Is this a projection of my own neediness? Is my son learning to have anxious attachment?

With my dd (who is now 10), I never let her cry it out, I also co slept with her until she was 3. She is fine no bad attachments with me. We are super. Close but that's not a bad thing.
It sounds like you are doing what is totally right for you and your baby and doing a fantastic job

I think you might be overthinking this a bit. You do sound very anxious in general.

It’s good that you respond to your baby’s cries and there’s nothing wrong with cosleeping. These two things are much less likely to have an impact on your son than you being generally very anxious. Relax. You’re doing fine.

How much reading have you done about attachment? Why do you think responsive, caring parenting is going to lead to a needy child who is anxious because they fear their parent may not respond to their needs? Read more about how attachments are created and I think this will set your mind at rest.

When your child is a little older they will go through the stage of venturing out then returning to base (you) when they feel scared. Soothing them but then welcoming their exploration when they go off again rather than helicoptering anxiously around and shouting 'be careful! Mind out!' will lead to a reasonably well adjusted, well-attached child. The most important thing of all is a solid, warm bond with a consistent and loving caregiver and it sounds like you are exactly that ☺️ So I wouldn't worry.

I read the book Attached by Levine and Heller, have read a few scientific articles and research articles, and have listened to a few stuff about it on YouTube and podcasts from psychologists and doctors. A lot of the content is on adult relationships though.