What is this feeling?

[snazzychair]

It's taken a lot for me to ask this. I'm a parent of small children 3 - 5, work full time, great husband and we share the load (my load is much bigger for sure) have had parents with health issues that have affected me massively in the last year of helping them more; and now also not performing at work due to some of the things mentioned below and it's getting me down big time especially where I was a higher performer pre kids. In the last few months I'm experiencing

Anxiety - I can hear my head beating loud
Brain fog, just remembering words or getting sentences out can be difficult, this is terrible especially when at work
Not enjoying life, I just wait for the kids to go to bed so I can have some peace and just sit in front of the tv which I wish I didn't do but I have no energy for anything else
Everyday is a struggle but it's all mundane
Not motivated
When I'm reading things I have to read them a few times before I understand what it's saying
Just never happy with anything

I adore my family, I hate my job so I know that's contributing to the way I feel but I have bills to pay.
I'm near to 40 but regular periods so don't think I'm peri menopausal. I am prediabetic though. I just want to feel happy and just not find everything I do a struggle or a big task.

Any advice welcome

That's a lot of pressure on you - no wonder you are exhausted. Given that you hate your job and you're not performing as well as you think you should the first thing to consider is looking for another job. When you spend 40 odd hours a week doing something you don't like it's going to affect every aspect of your life.

Are you on the pill? Then mini pill made me feel very much like this, lethargic and just out of sorts. I'm fine on the combined.

I am absolutely looking for another job. I guess feeling this way makes me feel less confident too when it comes to knowing if I'm good enough for a different role. I am looking at part time too, I think I need head space but the world is not set up to allow women to have a great part time job and be present for children in my own experience.

Not on the mini pill no, but I do wonder how much my hormones are making me feel this way

Is it worth getting bloods done? Low iron or something can make you feel dreadful.

Honestly? Daily grind from working full time in a job you don’t like coupled with a stretch of parenting (5 years).

it could be many things, including as PP have said, the exhaustion and low mood that come from a job you hate and the relentlessness of parenting - Groundhog Day plus exhaustion.

But the ones you list first - anxiety and brain fog are very strongly linked to peri meno which can go on for years before you have any signs of periods stopping. I had appalling peri symptoms and no idea what my problem was. They went on for 5 years then disappeared overnight when my periods stopped. Like a switch. If you can afford to attend a proper meno clinic it could be worth it. NHS is useless. They will put you on the latest antidepressant.

Can you try to wedge a bit of better-quality time off into your life? DH and I burnt out and decided to give each other 4 hours off each at the weekend to do whatever we wanted. If we wanted a lie in or quiet time at home, the other one wrangled the DC and took them to the park, if we wanted to go out, we went out. It meant we each had a half day to think our own thoughts, catch up on shopping or coffee with a friend, get hair cut etc. It transformed our lives at the time.

I would ask for some blood tests. Your hormones can be off even if you still have regular periods. It could be things like vitamin D deficiency as well.

Thanks for the advice
I have a doctors appointment booked. I still had a few times in the day today when I couldn't remember simple words like the fridge! I could see the word in my head but I just could speak it, it's all very strange

I spent the day working and getting my cv up to date so that made me feel better