Name change but need some help as I think I am losing perspective.
I have recently been feeling general anxiety very badly. It's a feeling of dread that I can't shake. It's keeping me awake at night. I'm panicking about work and making mistakes.
I've had general anxiety since my twenties. I've had every treatment going, SSRI, amitriptyline, Gabapentin, CBT, DBT, art therapy, group therapy, counselling. My parents were both anxious people - my mother drank to conceal this. I no longer drink, smoke, take caffiene or any drugs. I am fit and active. I have a good diet. I have friends. My job is well paid and high profile. My daughter is doing really well at school.
My brain is still anxious. I cannot pass a driving test because of nerves. I have failed four job interviews for which I was very well qualified in the last year for jobs because of my anxiety. I've even seen myself in camera and the anxiety is plain to see.
I feel really stuck. I've been dealing with this for 25 years. I am fed up. Yesterday I took a Valium which had been prescribed for me years ago for back pain. I was just so fed up.
I woke up eight hours later after a blissful sleep. I went to work and was calm. I was calm with my daughter. It was the kind of day that is so rare it makes me cry.
I do not want to abuse this drug but I am so tempted. Two decades of medicine and this bloody pill did all I have ever needed in an hour.
If there is any medical professional on here or anyone with insight, what should I do? I cannot go on feeling so terrible, but I also never want to experience NHS health treatment for anxiety again. By now, I think this genetic and I need a chemical hit to deal with it. Am I wrong and are there other options for me out there beyond CBT and SSRI?
Thanks for reading.