Feel like giving up

[Xmummy2X]

Hello all just looking for advice or guidance or just to rant so if you read all this thank you so much indeed

I am so so lonely I am suffering a mental health crisis have no friends and disabilities aswell as full time carer to my autistic son been trying to fight for special school now for 2 years plus and he had loads other issues and trying to deal with them all by myself and in between this my mum diagnosed with terminal cancer which feels like heart beeb ripped out then on top of this there is cost of living currently in privately rented home and the instability is causing more stress and anxiety as if get kicked out of here me and my children are homeless with no one to help I have tried looking for home jobs work from home but that seems impossible to find I need to be at home 24/7 because of my son as he only 8 my daughter not so bad she at full time college please tell me things will get better as right now my head going to very dark places

Sorry about your mum, OP - it sounds like you're under a lot of pressure.

I've been where you are in terms of fighting for SEN school places - it can take years, as you unfortunately know, but the good news is that it will work out eventually, and once he is settled in a suitable school this time of all the fighting and emails and phone calls will pale into insignificance.

Have you checked you're getting all the benefits you're entitled to? Carer's allowance, universal credit, DLA for DS, etc?

Do you have a local carer's centre you can contact for support? Mine offers counselling, coaching for carers, zoom meet-ups with other carers (and/or parent-carers) in a similar position, etc, so it's worth seeing what's in your area, or contacting citizens advice or your local library for signposting to local organisations that might be able to help.

Have you considered speaking to IPSEA, Scope, National Autistic Society, etc about school stuff and other support for DS?

Are you in touch with your council's disabled children's team? DS is entitled to a needs assessment and you are entitled to a carer's assessment as his carer, and these assessments could result in you both receiving additional support (such as a support worker coming to help, activities, advocacy support with the school issues, etc).

Does DS have an EHCP already? Do you know how to apply for one? It should be on your council website but there are also other resources available online.

If your tenancy ends the council will definitely have to rehouse you because you have DC. Is it a general worry it a specific reason to fear this? If it's specific and you really think it might happen, think about if you want to downsize your possessions and be more minimalist, making cash from them is better than becoming homeless and leaving most of it behind because you've nowhere to put it (temporary accommodation can be small).

Are you under the care of a doctor for your MH crisis?

Thank you so much for replying and understanding

I'm so proud of my mum she such a fighter and under so much pressure I don't know where to start and where to end or stop

Your right about the right school setting etc but he hardly even gets dressed or goes outside its a nightmare but I have a lot of patience which as you know you definitely need he does no self care or anything no one understands so lost all support network as in friends but then they wasn't friends in the first instance

I think I'm getting all benefits I'm entitled to just feel guilty for that also as should be able to work full time that's why was looking work from home job but my son has to come first as mental health bad also

That's brilliant nothing like carers centres etc here not that I know of but maybe worth googling just incase

To be honest I didn't know who to contact because everyone we have after little while just gets fed up it seems and leaves us back to square one

I didn't know the council did things like this how do I go about this please if you know my council pretty rubbish but anything worth try right now

Son does currently have Ehcp so that's not too bad it's just trying to get them to understand that there is no way he would manage a mainstream school when he barely leaves the house

I really appreciate your reply honestly means a lot I'm sorry you have had to go through all the stress of sen etc big hugs for that

😊

Thank you for replying

It's just if they put the rent up there is no way that can stretch anymore so will be homeless with the kids and my son would really struggle as he needs space and garden

I have had good clear out just things for me and the kids that we need and furniture and getting rid of all out kitchen appliances which cost me so much money don't know if could start all over again or even afford it again

I have put loads stuff on vinted and made bit money which has helped towards essentials I'm trying my best

I'm under mh crisis having therapy but right now head is just in dark place I'm not bad person I'm good person I would do anything for anyone but when will things get better

Thank you so much for taking time to read and reply though means a lot thank you

OP have you got a social worker? For you, not your son. You need a carer's assessment. This looks at your needs, what can be put in place to enable you to keep caring for DC. If you're under MH crisis team you also should have social services look at your needs from that perspective too. The NHS can assess your MH needs and SS assess your social care needs.

Your DC needs their own social worker to assess their needs and get DC the help he needs.

Go to citizens advice bureau to find out about carer's groups or ask your social worker.

Prepare yourself that if you end up going down the council's homelessness route you're not getting space and a garden in temporary accommodation. It'll be a hotel room/hostel room or if you're lucky a one bedroom flat. I don't know your area obviously, but round here a one bedroom flat is as good as it gets for temporary accommodation regardless of the size of the family. Your housing needs would be assessed so if you were allocated a permanent place afterwards that would be more suitable for your family's needs. In some areas there's such a lack of social housing that all they can do is help you find another private rental that will accept you, or move you out of the area to somewhere that does have some social housing available. Things often get better if you can get social housing because you don't have the fear of eviction looming over you constantly and the rent amount matches the maximum allowable housing benefit so financially things are easier too. If you get evicted take advice (try Shelter) and don't leave until you legally have to, which is not when the landlord says you have to. If you leave too soon the council won't help you. You have to be evicted by bailiffs.

Don't feel guilty for being on benefits, they exist for a reason and aren't easy to get. You deserve them. Don't run yourself into the ground trying to work if you can't, you won't be able to look after DC if you burn out.

You're doing well, you just need some extra strategies and some help to improve things.

Thank you so much for replying again

We have had a nightmare had social worker for son she only lasted couple months and then left and then they got back involved as ot said this wasn't fair and lasted again couple months left and was am family help worker he again is leaving in couple months so back to square one all professionals ignore my emails etc about my son needs etc just feel like I'm drowning

They won't give me social worker don't know why maybe funding

I will Google carers groups maybe something will come up but have been searching

If that's right about temporary accommodation that will not help mine and my sons mental health and wouldn't manage a flat stairs etc constantly 😢 what a nightmare it is hence why I want to find work but from home I know run me into ground but at least maybe be able to stay here and provide for family but it's hard even trying to find job working from home and people are very snobby where I am so feel they judging me all the time see me as not working etc without not judging a book by its cover and knowing everything and moving area really wouldn't be a option because the few family we have is where we are now I couldn't risk loosing that as well as being miles from my mum right now 😢 what a mess

Thank you so so much for taking your time to read and respond means a lot still good people about 😊

And you’re one of them OP! You’re under such an incredible amount of pressure. Are you on meds to help?

I'm on duloxetine max dose for pain anxiety and depression but it's keeping me awake at night and mind doing over time well son doesn't sleep till 1am so bit of nightmare anyway

I'm feeling the stress and pressure today my whole body stiff and hurts

I just feel I can't carry on what's left for me to give

That’s the illness talking OP. Go back to your GP. You may need different therapy or different meds. You deserve to feel well.

That's the thing I have loads health issues also so they don't take me seriously but I will try make gp appointment I just put myself last thank you so much for replying and taking the time that means a lot thank you

I understand that. I have quite a few health issues. Maybe just try and make an appointment purely about the MH stuff. I do wish you well.

I'm sorry to hear that big hugs sent to you

Thank you so much fingers crossed

I wish you well also thank you 💖

That’s so kind. I’ve found a lot of things that help. It’s taken a while but I’m doing ok. Hoping you feel better.

Bless you 💖 hope it continues to be OK for you

I hope I feel better soon also today been very overwhelming day

im sorry it’s been tough. We can only do the best we can do each day. And sometimes we need help. And that is fine.