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Original poster

Burned out and stuck

6 replies

Zombieof3 · 19/06/2023 15:29

This is going to be a long one, so I don't blame you if you don't stick around.

Here's a little background:
I'm a mum of 3, two girls aged 11 and 7 and my youngest boy who is nearly 6. My youngest is autistic and his eldest sister is also going through the diagnosing process. Myself and my partner both work full time, im 9-5 and he does shift work.

I've struggled with mental health issues for a long while, I'm on medication, I see my psychiatrist fairly regularly and my gp knows how I am feeling. I've tried and tested dozens of anti-depressants, I don't think they're the issue. I think the issue is me.

Basically, I burn out quickly, especially when my mental health is bad. Right now I feel so stuck and my poor DH is once again trying to pick up the pieces but there's too much for him to do.

I'm struggling massively with low mood and motivation. I'm so exhausted all the time, it really doesn't matter how much sleep I have. The house is a total tip, it needs a thorough clean but I can't do it and my dh can't do it alone. I've been in bed for days, I had to call in sick to work as I can't even find the will to leave my room. I'm barely eating as I don't have the energy to go down and make food. My kids need their mum to be normal.

Im struggling with money - this is a NOT a money grabbing attempt, please do not offer any money, I just want a safe space to vent. All my kids need new shoes, hair cuts, eldest goes to comp in September and needs uniform. She has a school trip next week and yet I can't even do a food shop because I'm over my overdraft as it is. The kids all have end of year trips coming up. I need a haircut but tbh I'll probably end up waiting a long time for that one. My youngest is 6 in August.

It all feels pointless, I feel like I'm failing them. I can't afford to do these wonderf7l things other parents do. My eldest always tells me about her friends going abroad and I can't even afford simple things in life. Childcare costs an arm and a leg, bills are so high. I'm honestly ready to say I'm done and just get it over with as I'm failing, I'm struggling and there's nothing I can do.

I have zero support network besides my DH who is also struggling under this pressure. There's no one to turn to and I feel like I'm making everyone miserable.

Sorry, rant over. I just feel so lost

OP posts:
PeterLemonJello · 19/06/2023 21:17

Maybe you could take more time off work op. It's no wonder you are feeling burnt out with all you are doing between you and DH.
You have to keep seeking help and support because you owe it to yourself.

cassiatwenty · 19/06/2023 23:45

I don't think you are failing them. It's unrealistic to be everything to everyone, running on little or no fuel.

You are exhausted and burnt out. Your body is telling you that it needs deep rest, and probably a lighter workload.

It's impossible to be that perfect mum when you are struggling and suffering. If money's tight right now, it would be unfair of your kids to expect flight drones or expensive gifts.

It's not people who're working at Canary Wharf experience burn out, it's also mums, girlfriends, family members.

I suppose gently communicating to your family members that you need some rest might good. Yes, you're a mum but not a robot.

Don't beat yourself up with guilt. If you can do little, do little, on days when you cannot do too much, don't. You're struggling because it is hard right now. That's a perfectly normal reaction to chronic stress.

⚘💐

Irunoncoffeemascaraandhighheels · 20/06/2023 18:51

I'm barely eating as I don't have the energy to go down and make food.

This isn't cheap but it's necessary so please suck up the cost and get it done for your own welfare (which means you can help everyone else). Fortisip or Ensure from the pharmacy. They're food drinks. You have to get nutrition into you somehow. If you're too exhausted to eat, this is how.

Ask your GP for referral to secondary MH services. Maybe you need something different to, or in addition to, an antidepressant. There are other types of meds. A psychiatrist can assess and prescribe. Even a GP can provide anxiety meds if is anxiety more so than depression that's affecting you. Antidepressants are often prescribed for anxiety but there are other meds available specially for anxiety.

Bear in mind the DC autism came from somewhere. Maybe from you. Autistic burnout is a thing. Maybe you're constantly overwhelmed by the world because you're autistic too?

The house is a total tip, it needs a thorough clean but I can't do it and my dh can't do it alone

Dearest OP, this just isn't true. Many, many women do exactly this. All childcare when home including for SEN kids, work full time, keep house all by themselves as single parents or with DH that does nothing to assist.

Your DH can absolutely step up and deal with all this whilst you're so incapacitated. Yes, it'll stress him. No, he won't like it and will feel on a constant treadmill of responsibility with no break. This is life. And he's lucky! He's not a single parent, he's got you, his DW who is struggling at the moment and needs support to get well. Please relax and leave him to it, he will survive.

I recommend The Minimal Mum on YouTube as a system. It's about simplifying your life and the home, to better keep on top of everything, prioritise what matters and gain more peace for the family. Most videos are 10min long. If DH looked at one and then spent another 10min acting on it, over time your lives would become easier and things would seem less overwhelming.

Original poster
Zombieof3 · 22/06/2023 19:29

PeterLemonJello · 19/06/2023 21:17

Maybe you could take more time off work op. It's no wonder you are feeling burnt out with all you are doing between you and DH.
You have to keep seeking help and support because you owe it to yourself.

I can’t afford too, I’m barely able to put food on the table and pay bills as it is.

OP posts:
Original poster
Zombieof3 · 22/06/2023 19:31

cassiatwenty · 19/06/2023 23:45

I don't think you are failing them. It's unrealistic to be everything to everyone, running on little or no fuel.

You are exhausted and burnt out. Your body is telling you that it needs deep rest, and probably a lighter workload.

It's impossible to be that perfect mum when you are struggling and suffering. If money's tight right now, it would be unfair of your kids to expect flight drones or expensive gifts.

It's not people who're working at Canary Wharf experience burn out, it's also mums, girlfriends, family members.

I suppose gently communicating to your family members that you need some rest might good. Yes, you're a mum but not a robot.

Don't beat yourself up with guilt. If you can do little, do little, on days when you cannot do too much, don't. You're struggling because it is hard right now. That's a perfectly normal reaction to chronic stress.

⚘💐

I don’t know what telling my family how I feel will help because my DH feels exactly the same and we can’t both rest and get things done. I don’t know if it’s my depression or just being crap

OP posts:
Original poster
Zombieof3 · 22/06/2023 19:35

Irunoncoffeemascaraandhighheels · 20/06/2023 18:51

I'm barely eating as I don't have the energy to go down and make food.

This isn't cheap but it's necessary so please suck up the cost and get it done for your own welfare (which means you can help everyone else). Fortisip or Ensure from the pharmacy. They're food drinks. You have to get nutrition into you somehow. If you're too exhausted to eat, this is how.

Ask your GP for referral to secondary MH services. Maybe you need something different to, or in addition to, an antidepressant. There are other types of meds. A psychiatrist can assess and prescribe. Even a GP can provide anxiety meds if is anxiety more so than depression that's affecting you. Antidepressants are often prescribed for anxiety but there are other meds available specially for anxiety.

Bear in mind the DC autism came from somewhere. Maybe from you. Autistic burnout is a thing. Maybe you're constantly overwhelmed by the world because you're autistic too?

The house is a total tip, it needs a thorough clean but I can't do it and my dh can't do it alone

Dearest OP, this just isn't true. Many, many women do exactly this. All childcare when home including for SEN kids, work full time, keep house all by themselves as single parents or with DH that does nothing to assist.

Your DH can absolutely step up and deal with all this whilst you're so incapacitated. Yes, it'll stress him. No, he won't like it and will feel on a constant treadmill of responsibility with no break. This is life. And he's lucky! He's not a single parent, he's got you, his DW who is struggling at the moment and needs support to get well. Please relax and leave him to it, he will survive.

I recommend The Minimal Mum on YouTube as a system. It's about simplifying your life and the home, to better keep on top of everything, prioritise what matters and gain more peace for the family. Most videos are 10min long. If DH looked at one and then spent another 10min acting on it, over time your lives would become easier and things would seem less overwhelming.

I am trying and so is my DH. He made bolognaise yesterday and today I made soup, but I can’t even bring myself to eat much, it just all seems very pointless.

im under a psychiatrist, I’m waiting for trauma therapy and for an autism assessment as they strongly believe I’m autistic too, which really isn’t news to me. I’ve always known I’m not normal, I’ve never fitted in anywhere and only have one friend. Life is just rubbish.

my partner is really stepping up at the moment but he’s shattered too and he deserves rest just as much as me. It’s so hard trying to balance everything.

ill try those videos, any tips are welcome. Thank you x

OP posts:
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