Struggling today, my father wasn’t a bad man, he had a lot of love. But he was an alcoholic. I’m trying not to be black and white, I’m in therapy. Dad had me as a teen and he died in his 40s so I was in my 20s when he died. In my 40s now.
The last few sessions have been around my life/relationship with him. Like I said he was a loving caring man who wanted the best for us, before the alcohol fully took hold he worked hard but lost his job.
life at home was really up and down, lots of chaos around his drinking. I left home for Uni and didn’t come back a lot because Dad’s drinking got worse.
im exhausted as going through therapy working out the impact my dad’s decisions, my upbringing etc had on me. I’m resilient, tenacious a real survivor.
im just tired and today im
not missing my Dad I’m kind of angry with him.
my DH is going for a meal with his dad and sis and their kids later. I’m just so tired emotionally I can’t face it.
I just feel so so bad though as this is DHs day but I’m so so sad inside I can’t describe it.