What to tell the kids?

[psychosisissues]

NC as very specific situation.

Husband has had psychosis for a year. As yet untreated as he refuses. Kids and I moved out 9 months ago.

H believes he has a physical problem which he is fixing/self medicating. All along the kids have been told that daddy is poorly with this physical problem as that's what he tells them. When we moved out I told them we were giving daddy time and space to rest and get better (reality was, he became shouty and abusive and we were not safe).

The time has come to introduce the kids to the truth. They're young, early primary, but I hope it can be done. I was thinking of asking school to help, as advised by social services. The problem I have is that he'll otherwise tell them that 'Mummy is ignorant and doesn't understand his medical issue'. I hope if I have backup he won't do that.

Any advice? He only see them supervised but he still manages to say a lot of stuff to them. I just have to be very careful not to confuse them even more.

Thanks for reading.

Sorry to hear your story who supervises the contact?

Me so far. SS have said they don't need to intervene because I'm safeguarding them enough.

That must be so difficult for you do you keep a diary of any events your not happy with during sessions, How old are your children? Do you think they will understand that Daddy IS poorly but in his head Well Done on being a positive role model

That is a tricky situation you're navigating and well done so far. 👏

You have made what sound like good choices in the circumstances.

I dont know what the answers are now, but just wanted to give you some words of support and hope things get better soon. He needs to get help.

Daddy's brain isn't working quite right. Something in his head makes him think strange ideas. When I can't understand Daddy I know it's just because he's not well. We all hope he'll get better one day but it's taking a long time.

I had a similar situation. The counsellor we had and the staff in ICU when he was admitted there, both said the truth in an age appropriate way.
I followed that advice and it worked well. Don’t give too much info.
they will be learning about mental health at school. So I said that daddy’s mental health was bad and the hospital were helping him to get better. And he had to take medicine for his brain.
they just accepted it and occasionally asked questions, which I answered with age appropriate minimal information which was truthful.
good luck, it’s very scary and hard to navigate.

@2bazookas thats a good narrative. I would add the his brain is unwell at the moment and that’s what gives him the bad ideas.

I'm sorry to hear you had similar.

This sounds great but how do I explain he doesn't want to take medicine for his brain and he won't get better?

6 and 7.

No sorry, 5 and (nearly) 7! Had a moment there.

The problem I have is they will discuss this with him and he'll tell them it's not true.

Include in your explanation that Becasur daddy’s brain is poorly he won’t take the medicine to make him better but you hope he will one day. Also if he tells you anything different it is because he is poorly

How about
‘Daddy’s brain is unwell at the moment. You might have hard about ‘mental well-being’ at school. Well daddy’s mental well being isn’t very good. We would like him to take some medicine to help him with his illness. The problem with mental ill was thought, is that the thing in the brain that causes the illness, also makes daddy think there is nothing wrong with him. So he doesn’t want to take the medicine.

Daddy will tell them he is fine, and will be able to pull a good hour out the bag with them around. But they will have noticed things. If he contradicts you, don’t get into an argument about it with him or them. But gently ask the children to have a think for themselves about who they think might be the most sensible right now.

Well done for seeing the problem and removing the kids as best you can from it. Sounds like your a good supportive mum. Sadly sad sounds ill and until he gets the proper help will always be this way. I hope it comes to him soon he needs professional help. You keep staying strong and be a positive influence like you are they will remember it when older trust me. Me and my 3 siblings were in a similar and once we got older we realised how ill dad had been all our life and how amazing mum is. She's our best friend as adults now and yes we still love dad but mum is our strength

I'm so sorry this happened to you. This actually made me well up 😭

Hi,
I know this is not a recent thread, but it describes my situation pretty well.
I have a 7 year old. We also left the house due to dads psychosis. As he blames me for his every problem, his family also stonewalls me. I was advised by mhs to get help from his family as I am his red flag, but they are not answering my calls or texts. I cannot have a conversation with him, he turns everything around and is being extremely mean to me.
Even laughing, saying karma is a bitch, when I was getting my things out of the house and the cat got caught between my legs and broke his paw. I was crying and this is how he responded. I went straight to the vet and panicly got the cats needs out the house too, and found him a better place to stay for the time being Which is not easy and means he will be moved around some more.
So we now all left the house. I am very lucky to have so many loving people really helping me and dc. But he's still the father, and he is still in our house. He called in sick at work, but tells me he is not ill. I cannot bring myself to be respectful to him anymore. The list goes on and on.
I received a call from dc teacher, repeating exactly what happened at home, she got it all from my child. So dc knows exactly what dad is doing. I just learned at that point That she understands so much.
I just do not see a way out. He doesn't want treatment. I got him to his gp, and the gp sent him to mh crisis centre. But it stopped there.
How did you get the visits with your children to be under your supervision?
Did he just agree with that or did you do something else?
I am really fainting at times, cannot believe this is happening to us. He lives in our house, making it a pig sty, barricading every door and window, ducttape ropes beams on every window and door, even on closets. I can go on, but it will get too specific.
All the time I am at my parents' awaiting what will break or get ruined next at our beautiful house.
I know he is ill, but the horrible things he is saying and doing got to me, and I have to draw a line for my own mh.
I am really eager to hear about the next part of your story, hoping to learn a lot. So thank you in advance if you find the time to reply.
Xx

I am sorry to hear you went through this, it really helps me a lot to read that a child can be okay in the end, because of mum's good care.
I am really worried about my dc. Will dc get hurt over this, will dc be okay. Will dc be able to put it in the right place, dad's mh and nothing to do with dc, only with dad.
Thank you for your post. If you feel up to it I want to hea any advice you have. I really don't know who else to ask as we are all baffled with the situation.

I'm so sorry, I've only just seen this.

Unfortunately there isn't much to report. We're still in the exact same situation. The children seem ok.

I told him he can't see the kids on his own because of the drugs. Social services support me. So it's either me or another family member. I just put my foot down, that's all. He has complained but hasn't taken it further.

I'm sorry you're in a similar situation. I hope things get better for you soon.