Where to go from here

[BaaaBaaaBaaa]

Has anyone ever sat down with their other half - or anyone close to them - and told them they are having suicidal thoughts? Not making plans so no need to panic or anything just purely thoughts. How do you even begin that conversation? Especially when they are very stressed themselves and this is the last thing they need.
Maybe samaritans or similar would be better. Does anyone have any experience with them? I don't really know what they would actually say or do.
Sorry for the rambling post, just my thoughts as they enter my head

Thoughts are just thoughts, not facts. When the mind is in turmoil it will consider every option open to it, including suicide, and will normally reject anything that is potentially harmful.

What's going on in your life to make you think this way?

OP, the person you need to sit down with is your GP, not your DH. They are trained to assess your mental health, and will discuss your treatment options, such as antidepressants or CBT. You need professional help - your DH can only provide emotional support.

I have told my husband this and he helped me get the help I needed. He knew I wasn't in a great place and was getting help but didn't realise how bad I was until I just blurted it out one day. I felt better for sharing my thoughts and feelings with him

@Eyesopenwideawake I'm so utterly bored, bored out of my mind. Tired, frustrated. It's me, dh and ds at home and i constantly have to do everything and think of everything. Even when I do get a break it's no where near enough, I just want to runaway never to return. I don't enjoy anything at all, everything is shit. It terrifies me that my son will grow up with a mum that feels like this. What is this going to do to him??? Equally terrifies me that I'm going to feel like this forever

Sounds like the perennial DH problem - Mr Dofuckall. How old is your son? Would you and he be better running away together?

OP I have been where you are (for different reasons) and for me, I didn't so much want to actively kill myself, I just thought " If I fell in that river, I'd die and I wouldn't feel so shit anymore" and that didn't seem a bad option. I got a therapist (I'm lucky that I found one and could afford it) and she told me that suicidal ideation is common, especially when overwhelmed and exhausted and low. I had to call her if it ever tipped into planning. Through a combination of telling work, having regular therapy and a visit to the GP I got back on the straight and narrow and after 3 months those worse feelings went. I would definitely look for therapy - if not, the Samaritans are fantastic. There are also lots of online resources even on things like twitter - or on here. A large part of my enjoyment in those days (few and far between) was chatting on mumsnet about telly, silly things etc as well as bigger things I needed help with

@Eyesopenwideawake ds is 3. Dh works full time, me part time (4days). He plays with ds a lot. So it's not like he does nothing. But everything around the house is all me.
Tbh we've both struggled massively since having ds. I feel like if I said anything it would end up being all about me when actually he's feeling like shit too

But if you don't say anything then you're not being fair - he needs to know how you feel so that you can both make changes. It's not all about you, it's about you both and how you can support each other as a partnership. It's great that he plays with your DS but he needs to understand that having a child isn't just about playing. You don't have to be confrontational but you DO have to have the conversation.

There's a technique you could think about (it's a bit clunky to start with but it is very good at being clear).

Person A say "this is how I feel"
Person B say "this is what I heard you say (XXX) and this is how I interpret it (YYY). Is that correct?"
Person A (either) "Yes, that's what I said and meant" or "no, what I mean was (ZZZ)"

When we have a thought it comes from our mind, gets filtered by our experiences, opinions and prejudices (good and bad) and then gets mangled by our actual words. It then hits the other persons ears, gets filtered by their experiences, opinions and prejudices (good and bad) and interpreted by their mind.

No wonder conversations are so bloody difficult!!

@crochetmonkey74
If I fell in that river, I'd die and I wouldn't feel so shit anymore"
That pretty much sums it up for me.
What did you say to work? Were you signed off? I almost feel like that's what I need. I've struggled with my mn for so long, i'm on medication currently but I've never really told anyone in real life about it.
I've seen a therapist in the past but I can't afford one now. I can look at samaritans

We have a mental health team at work. I told my line manager the exact truth about how I was feeling (I work in a highly supportive work environment) I could have had time off and be signed off but after seeing the therapist amd my gp, my coping plan was to attend work as it was a distraction and actually a protective factor (I was living alone in 2nd lockdown) if you feel that being signed off will help, you should definitely see your gp. Out of interest how old are you? Suicidal ideation can be very affected by hormones I have since found out

@crochetmonkey74 I guess work can act as a distraction for me too. I'm 38

The biggest thing for me has been talking about it . When we feel so bad , our brains have gone a bit skewed so we can't really work out our own best plan. Do you have anyone you can share with ? You say your partner is suffering with mental health too, to what extent? Would he rally round if he realised how bad you felt? Or would it be better for you to seek support somewhere else? Samaritans are good and you can ring them every night if you want to. Another good idea is yo go to your gp practice and ask if there are any mental health patient groups . If your work place is good and you feel comfortable there , it may be worth telling them as just naming it and saying you need help is all it takes to start you on the road to getting better. You can't cope with all this by yourself, no one could

Dh doesn't have mh issues as such. Before ds he was pretty laid back, now he's short tempered and grumpy which he never used to be like. I do think he would be concerned if I were to tell him. But we just don't get a moment to ourselves. During the week we're working, come weekend ds is here and we don't get a moment to ourselves.
I just feel so stuck in this endless shitty cycle this is literally my life now and i hate it. I can't see any way out