I get down so easily it scares my

[morethanspice]

I’ve been treated for anxiety etc but off meds and do not want to go back on. Horrible side effects and terrible withdrawal. I’m just so easily brought down and then the first thought I have is so want to die. I’m just so worn out by nothing in my life having consistency or predictability. I’ve been through a hellish divorce and met nothing but shitty men since. Today even my long term FWB turned me down for the weekend and he’s the one person guaranteed to make me feel good. I don’t want to work on myself any more I’m just stuck feeling sad and hopeless

I'm so sorry. I find life extremely challenging too. You're not alone. I don't know what advice to give, as I'm in the midst of a mental health crisis too. But I wanted you to feel understood

I was similar until I found the right meds, had CBT and changed my habits. Gentle exercise. Time outdoors. Some time doing what makes me happy. (Even if I’m not happy right now IYSWIM!)

Have a read of https://www.amazon.co.uk/Responsibility-Rebellion-Unconventional-Approach-Empowerment/dp/154450912X - it's a pragmatic, easy to read guide to self understanding and awareness.

@morethanspice

Sorry to hear your feeling low.

Life has changed for most people so much over the last few years and more and more stress and shit just keeps getting healed on.

Our mods and bodies are designed to only cope with so much at a time.

When things start feeling overwhelming and bad thoughts set in it's a sign that we feel out of control of our lives.

Have you tried some natural ways?

Medication can help to stabilise the mind and calm the receptors down enough to think more clearly but weaning off without any natural ways to induce endorphins in place will eventually put you back in that cycle of doubt again

What kind of things or hobbies do you enjoy?

on paper I have a decent life
a hobby I love
my children and a grandchild
But what I crave is love, and Im beginning to realise I’m not going to find it. Long long back of domestic abuse and I’ve come a long way but I feel my go to response to any problem is to think “I want to kill myself” is really alarming

I’m really appreciative of anyone who replies

I have often gone straight to that dark place too.

Day to day do you feel you have much calm in your life?

Are you having counselling OP?

Not having anything. Counselling and medication won’t change my loneliness and feeling of utter sadness at having failed to find a partner even a casual one
i just feel so lost but mask it well
i just think what’s the point most of the time

Are you in a position to get a dog - please only consider this as an option if you can adequately provide for it. Dogs are a wonderful and constant source of love and companionship. Having lost my DDog earlier in the year, I can totally empathise with your feeling of loneliness. Again, it is a huge decision and undertaking but, if you like dogs, might be worth looking into?

Obviously you've got a lot more going on and I would urge you to seek counselling or some sort of therapy for your negative and intrusive thoughts.

I've recently learnt that it is important to take sole responsibility for your own happiness but am still trying to figure out how - I am mostly enjoying the challenge and find making sure my day has structure (and distractions) helps and I make sure I have a little treat at the end of the day to look forward to too (glass of wine or a chocolate bar, something funny on tv to watch etc).

Sorry you're going through this OP, but please don't give up and continue working hard to love life - it's so worth the effort.

Agree re dog if you're feeling lonely - think they're excellent for love loyalty getting you out and about for exercise and into nature. Depends how hectic/busy you are day to day though as it might not help if you don't have time and energy to spare.
Sending love though through this difficult time. The only suggestion I have is music- whether it's playing an instrument or just music you love on speakers for me it's really helpful when I'm feeling low.
Also just discovered walking listening to podcasts- I can walk twice as far when my mind is distracted and get home feeling I've achieved something and feel reassured/enlightened by the podcast.
Good luck

Oh one last thing is your kids/grandchild- do you see them enough? My mum is great with the kids but has a "don't want to intrude" mindset which stops her coming over as much as we'd all like- she thinks we're just being kind when we actually love having her over! If it helps you feel loved needed and fulfilled maybe you could organise to spend more time with them?

Without going into detail about my situation as this is your thread, I think I can relate to this.

I decided to look into CBT and realised that I was already doing a lot of things right (setting myself a routine, forcing myself do stuff when I felt bad) but what I wasn’t doing was managing the unhelpful thoughts.

I found telling a friend how I was feeling and having a good cry and then working through this booklet useful.

https://cedar.exeter.ac.uk/media/universityofexeter/schoolofpsychology/cedar/documents/liiapt/Unhelpful_Thoughts.pdf

I am not completely there yet but it has made a difference.

Same here op , it's always my default reaction to anything going wrong and has been since I was a kid

I was walking round the shops today with my daughter and granddaughter and just felt like crying. I try to hide it but it sometimes overwhelms me

Ive got a dog and other pets, it’s the human company I crave. My FWB situation provided that missing link but I get the feeling he’s cooling off. He does not know how I feel, I would never burden him with that. He gets the best of me but even my best isn’t good enough