I'm really struggling.

[NaatQ968]

Now I'm only just ranting as I need to try and let this off my chest. Cause I can't take anymore.

I'm tired. I'm anxious and I'm fed up.
I do nothing, I see no one, because my family are completely unreasonable. Over years and years I've had certain family members break me down. I met a new partner (after years after them slagging off my previous ones) who I adore, he's amazing to me and my daughter who we had 8 months ago, family seemed happy for me and kind of left me to it. Which was bliss. Now my daughter is here and my time is mostly spent with her, which I love. But all they want to do is drink, I mean two family members went out in the last six months, got so bad they have broken ribs and punctured lungs, yes TWO PEOPLE.

I finally thought I had my breathing space but they've started their shit again with the partner situation. Saying silly things like when they visit he spends too much time in the toilet (he has a medical condition) and it's rude. My partner doesn't like confrontation but there was a disagreement and my family members can be quite violent in their words so I stand by my partner as he did nothing wrong but the hateful words keep coming. They want to see my daughter maybe once every three weeks and I allow it, the exchange makes me uncomfortable and my daughter cries but settles shortly after but it breaks me. Cause I know if I stop them then I'll be "keeping her away from them" .

I've had years of abuse which has caused me to self harm as a teen, attempted to take my own life and have been bulemic. I tried to tell family members I was bisexual years ago and I got screamed at.

Now my home life is suffering, I'm anxious all the time, I get heart Palps. My mum is my only safe direct family member. Parents are divorced due to him having an affair when I was a teen.

I have a lot of trauma and anxiety and my family don't think mental health is a real thing, they just wanna lose weight, go on holiday and drink.

I'm being ignored, left out. My poor partner. My poor daughter.

Booked a wedding for next year and now I want to cancel it. I just honestly am so low I can't take this anymore. I just can't do it.

I can feel your upset through your post, and I'm sorry your family are being so awful to you and your partner.

I know it's a cliche on here, but you really don't have to maintain a relationship with people that treat you badly just because you are related to them.

Is it possible to just see your mum and step back from the rest of them?

I wish I could.. that side of the family I have grand parents and aunties etc who are lovely and the members who are horrible are on this side too, makes events awkward and I get accused of not making an effort if I stop... Earlier on I genuinely just wanted to pack a bag and leave.

You can, and probably should, chose your partner and child to the exclusion of your family, apart from your mum. They bring nothing positive to your life and you have no obligation to maintain contact. Yes, it will be hard but ask yourself this "if you weren't related to these people, would you want to know them?"

I agree with you. I will 100% stand by my partner. I probably wouldn't want to know them no... before I met my partner I would join in with their drinking, I was a bit of a lost soul and would just go along with it. But meeting my partner gave me everything I'd ever wanted and it's almost like they don't like it.

You could take a step back and stop inviting the badly behaved relatives to your house, and only see them at wider family events. You don't need to announce it or talk about it with them, just stop responding to them and stop interacting with them.

At wider family events, you could agree in advance with your partner what to do if/when the behaviour becomes too much. So you could agree to leave and go home at that point. Again, you don't need to announce that you're leaving to these people, just agree in advance a bland excuse for leaving and don't entertain any debate about it and don't get into any conversation. If you like, you could warn your mum or other specific family members that you will be leaving if xyz behaviour occur from these other family members.

It's really hard cause I work in the same place as some of these relatives. I'm on maternity just now so that's been helpful.

The wider event thing I totally get. My partner now doesn't want to go as he thinks it'll just be awkward and he doesn't want to put other family members who aren't involved in a awkward situation. He's fine with that, as am I, as I want to protect him. But he works a lot too, and that's another thing they say "he's always working" "doesn't try with us" it's complete nonsense.

My wedding is next year and I have asked my partner several times to cancel it. But it's the wedding we want so he refuses and thinks it's for us and if they can't behave then don't come.

Honestly I'm in that tiny tough spot where I know what I need to do but it's ripping me apart to do so.

Have you ever come across the concept of Fear Obligation Guilt? It seems to me that the harsh comments from your family members are part of this FOG cycle. There's lots online about this that might be helpful to read through.

I will definitely look at this, it's just really tough to wrap my head around in all honesty. But honestly thank you. I didn't expect anyone to respond... really thank you xx

Now it's affecting my partner. His mental health is suffering as these family members have such a high influence on others.... now others barely speak to him. Wtf do I do... do I just genuinely cut them out?