Don’t know where to post this, and would request un-Mumsnetty kindness please, because I am desperate and don’t know what the hell to do. Sorry I’m advance for
long post.
Have been suffering from long Covid for the past two years, with symptoms very like Parkinsons (tremor, brain fog, fatigue etc.) Have had brain scans and clear. Had cognition and memory tests too, and have just been told by the neurologist that the memory results are too poor for someone functioning as well as I seem to be, and with my cognition scores, and that therefore they think it’s anxiety. I asked (politely) how anxiety would cause me, immediately following a bout of Covid, to lose 4 stone in weight, lose my memory function, stop me walking properly, give me the shakes, and make me permanently exhausted. For two years. He just shrugged. I asked if the fact that I have a high IQ (not boasting, Mensa tests at school showed over 170) could be throwing things off. Again just shrugged.
It’s now being written off as long Covid / just another anxious middle aged woman, and I’m on my own. This is private as GP said NHS waits are so long (if it makes a difference). I am now, to put it bluntly, fucked. My insurance, which has been paying me a half salary through all this, just enough to survive, won’t keep paying out for a diagnosis of “it’s all in her head”. The neurologist won’t deal with long Covid, and GP has warned that the waiting lists for those clinics in London are v long. I’ve been sort of working a few hours a week, but because I can’t remember what I’ve read, what I was doing, and get so tired, I’m really not productive enough for my company to retain. They’ve done their best to support, but again, can’t keep doing that for “all in her head”. If I could get to a long Covid clinic I could try for help there, but no idea how to do that or how long it would take. Am also trying to get my DDs autism assessment etc sorted out. And am permanently exhausted and confused and relying on post it notes to remind me of what I need to do. Also reliant on my 70 year old to look after me and DD.
If I carry on, and lose my job and insurance, that’s it. We lose the house, have to leave the only area my Dd knows,
leave family and support network, and go wherever is cheap enough that the bit of equity I have can buy a house outright. God only knows what we’ll live on as I don’t know if ‘maybe long Covid,
maybe just a hysterical female’ qualifies one for universal credit. They’re no chance of staying with family, that’s just my mum in her one bed rented flat, on state pension. I don’t (and won’t) get maintenance from my ex. House is a little 2-up, 2-down, so no chance of lodgers. Mortgage is more than £2k monthly, so it’s a lot to find each month before we even eat.
The only two solutions I can see are (1) DD lives with her dad (if he’ll have her) in his tiny flat, with none of her things as he’s already said if she moves in she has to get rid of it all as he doesn’t have room, but he’s just down the road at least so near school and my mum, but I live away and try to survive somehow, and maybe get to see her sometimes in the holidays; or (b) I just jump in the river, life insurance pays the mortgage and gives DD and ex an income for the next 15 years, so she can stay put and not worry about money. Honestly I can’t see any way where she and I get to stay together without her life being massively messed up. So, do I leave her or top myself? Because honestly, those are the only two realistic options I can see.