Good for nothing

[BlastedPimples]

I'm going through a horrible divorce from a horrible man. Long term marriage.

I worked on and off throughout the marriage. Four dcs and lots of dogs (not my choice) meant I found work that fitted in around all those duties and needs.

I found a part time job since he left. I'm completely lost in this job. I shouldn't have taken it. I think I'm going to lose the job after 6 weeks of being in it.

It's a fundraising job in a charity and there is no money and the charity is in a state of emergency. I've applied for a few grants which is very time consuming, investigated areas where they could raise money but it would need spend and it's all too little too late, I think.

I just feel utterly useless. Directionless. Unable to make any difference anywhere to anything. Even this part time job I cannot do.

I have no help from anyone. Dcs don't want anything to do with stbxh. He's swanned off with his gf and is happily spending more money on getting yet another dog and Royal Albert Hall tickets. He's already got us into loads of debt according to Form E disclosure. For which I am now responsible apparently.

I just feel like I have nowhere to turn, nothing gets better, I have no prospect of things getting better because my earning power is so low. No prospect of retraining.

I'm just miserable, struggling and trying to keep it all together for the dcs. But not doing very well at all. If I lose this job then we are in trouble too.

First off, the charity was in a state of emergency well before you started; in all reality anybody's efforts (especially on a part time basis) was very unlikely to make any difference - it's not your fault and most definitely not your responsibility. I think everyone has had a horrendous job at some stage in their lives - this is yours. Is it possible to bow out before you are pushed and start looking for something else? Otherwise it will just continue to drag you down.

I can't. I need to hang onto the job for the money. Stbx is really not contributing much.

I just feel that the charity seems to think I can turn everything around but to raise money you do need some things in place. I mean, they need significant sums of £80k+ which bake sales won't cover.

I can't give up the job. But I want to feel better and I thought work would.

Another job will, this one won't. They are being incredibly unfair to you; you don't have a chance of turning it around and they know it. Make sure you're not a scapegoat. You can apply for other jobs while you're still there.

What does your solicitor say about your ex and the debts?

I'd like to retrain really as a secondary school teacher but that takes money.

My solicitor says the debts go into the family lot along with everything else. So I am liable too even though I didn't know he'd got credit cards. He claims I benefitted from the spend on them.

He's a high earner. He will claw his way out no bother. I won't.

What assets do you have - family home, pension pots?

He has a pension.

Family home was sold three years ago. Don't know where that money has gone. Part of divorce investigation. He claims spent on school fees, holidays and debt. £650k worth. I don't think so.

Three buy to let houses - 2 up, 2 down type of thing. All mortgaged to the maximum. Don't know where that money went either. Part of my solicitor's job to find out.

Stacks of credit card debt on cards in his name only but that's irrelevant.

It's catastrophic. And he's ducking and diving. Supplying incomplete financial information. He's very arrogant and sly. I think he has hidden or invested a lot of cash and hopes we won't find it.

Meanwhile, I struggle with depressed dcs who refuse to see him because of his bullying. Don't blame them. He's on an assault charge against me too. He'll be prosecuted for that. And he goes around telling people I abused him!

The job is stupid, I've known a bunch of place like this. Literally no one could solve their problems. My advice would be look for another job while you're dealing with your own personal life.

We at MN hereby give you permission to get an easier job for now while you and your life need to be your priority. Working for struggling not-for-profits is for when you're sorted yourself. That's why rich people and trust funders do it.

Like cabin crew say, put your own oxygen mask on before helping others.

I need the money but I will keep looking for other work. My anxiety is overwhelming me. I know stbx is going to leave us with nothing. He will be gleeful about it too.

How old are your children? Is your ex happy to leave them with nothing?

I know it's difficult but please try not to guess what's going to happen in the future, it 's a waste of your mental energy. Take one step at a time - at the moment your priority is to find another job so double down on that.