To be scared of death.. despite therapy

[leavealightonmabel]

Just that really. I live a normal life, I don't hibernate but it does bother me a lot. I'll suddenly remember I will die & ironically I feel like I can't breathe. I constantly worry about my kids dying. My DD spent 2 weeks in ICU when she was born & that's not helped this anxiety but it was there before. Has anyone felt like this & got over it? It just panics me so much, which is ridiculous. I have started lately to think when I'm in the car 'will I die in a crash?' The same if I'm travelling on a train, or if I'm in a busy shopping centre, I think will I die by someone blowing me up. Oh I don't know, it's just horrid & not a nice way to live. I'm pregnant & all over the place but this has always been there.

Shameless bump to hope I'm not alone...

I suffer with anxiety and definitely have some anxiety around death. I am always particularly anxious about travelling and always think that I am going to die in a car crash. Don't know of any real trigger for this particular hang up. I haven't been in a bad crash for example. I'm pretty bad for health anxiety and assuming the worst. Doctor Google isnt helpful in that respect though as every symptom is usually a sign of a fatal illness. No advice but I know how you feel xx

@momentarybliss sorry you struggle too. It's horrid. I'm Waiting for the magic moment I come to peace with it - I lost 3 childhood friends in horrific circumstances in my teens & because of that always knew it doesn't matter how old you are, etc. I'll be going about my work, house work etc & I'll suddenly stop & think 'I won't be here one day' then freak out about how I'll die. It's annoying I even waste time on it xx

I’m the same and terrified of oblivion

@leavealightonmabel I try and talk myself down and rationalise that it's something I have zero control over and that worrying myself silly won't make a blind bit of difference. I just wish I didn't have to battle the intrusive thoughts in the first place. I think it's been worst since having children as I worry about not being there for them.

OP, why not discuss your fears with your church minister? They can reassure you that Jesus promised us eternal life with Him - His own resurrection from death after crucifixion demonstrated that death is not the end.
Seeing death as merely a transition from one state of being to another, makes it much less intimidating. If fetuses could think, they’d probably be terrified of being born, of losing the secure familiarity of the womb and being pushed out into the unknown - but there is an amazing world waiting for them, just as there is for us beyond our death.

This only works if you believe in something beyond the end of mortal life though...

I would totally recommend therapy. You don't have to be scared of death. But you have been through some extremely stressful and distressing experiences and I think talking them through with a skilled therapist would help enormously.

I lost 3 childhood friends in horrific circumstances in my teens

I'm so sorry, that must have been awful. Did you have any counselling at the time? It may well be that your fear of premature death started as a result of that tragedy.

@Eyesopenwideawake Thank you. I didn't have counselling then but have had it from about the age of 19 to address my anxiety, & my Dad leaving when I was 13. (Painting such a woe is me picture but I really don't want it to come across that way) I had CBT & EMDR therapy last year with regards to my daughter & that really helped with that experience.

I have this too and when I think about it I start having a panic attack about not being here anymore. No helpful advice to cope with it unfortunately, just want you to know you are not alone in feeling like this

Most people don't believe in this stuff

I had these thoughts a few years ago and talked myself out of it. Because although the living person that I am is worried about dying, at the same time I won't be there to regret that it happened. So your perception now is not the same as it will be afterwards, obviously. And in that sense we can 'live forever' (our own forever). I do worry about leaving our children. But as they get older and stronger I worry less, and they're financially set up which helps a lot.

This must have been so affecting, surely it is no wonder you have these thoughts about death?

Have you had any counselling focused on your fear of death? Maybe that would help. But also maybe you will always carry a little extra fear due to your experiences, it is about managing it and being able to enjoy life despite that.

Your experience with your teen friends is very unusual and sounds very frightening

Not exactly the same but I've had 2 cancers and they can come back at stage 4 at any point so I have to face that. I deal with it by distraction, realising I can't control it beyond exercising and health stuff so do that and then think what will be will be.

It probably is being pregnant heightening your worries that you will lose a child or they will lose you. But the best thing is to enjoy life as much as you can now and realise there is only so much you can do and beyond that it's wasting your life worrying about it. I would imagine your friends dying I am guessing in a crash has made you hyper anxious about that understandly but it's still rare and being blown up even rarer. I hope you can find a way not to worry so much. I also feel once I am dead I will be reunited with relatives I loved so much as a child and we will have lots of afternoon tea together like we used to again and that helps. So I don't fear death really, just fear lots of cancer treatment again.

I don't know if any of that will help but it's how I cope with it. I also swim lots and that helps me.

I was given a low dose of the antidepressant paroxetine to deal with my obsessive thoughts of death and dying and it makes a huge difference. I know you are pregnant so it won't be an option to try right now but it is maybe something you can consider when your baby is born.

@Silkierabbit Thank you for your your lovely message. I'm sorry you've had to go through what you have, it sounds like you have a wonderful mindset though.

One friend was killed in a train crash & even though I'll go on trains I never like it to be for long. I suspect because of this partly.

You're right about the pregnancy hormones. My first was in ICU & lately things haven't been as straight forward with this one & it's constantly on my mind what is going to happen & just hoping & praying this time we get a 'normal time' but nothing is guaranteed.

When the pregnancy is over I'll certainly be seeking some medication for my anxiety.

Loved what you said about afternoon tea, wouldn't that be wonderful.

I definitely got much more anxious in pregnancy. I think it’s biological / evolutionary.

You can take antidepressants in pregnancy if you need them.