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Emotionally Manipulative, or...?

2 replies

thewinterqueen · 03/06/2023 18:56

So I have been friends with a person for about 7 years. Some of you may recall that I posted about taking her son to school twice a week, and she got upset when I said I couldn't do it anymore, because it was putting too much pressure on me. It was making me sick and anxious, because the child was never up and ready, so I was always going in and getting him out of bed, and then got stuck in traffic which made me late for work. SHe would get stressed when I was sick and could not do it, because she hated asking her ex husband. Anyway, that was my last post....

I also pay her to do some freelance work for me, but recently, her circumstances have changed and she's accepted a promotion at work, which means she'll be going to work full time. She was previously working part time. Due to this, the work that she provides me cannot be done, but she wants to try and squeeze it all into a weekend. I have suggested cutting down from 4 slots a week to 2 slots, and she reacted badly. I explained that the cost of living has gone up too, so it's no longer financially viable for me. I also don't want to cram all the other stuff over the weekend, because I do other things on the weekend. I've started to struggle with anxiety really badly during our sessions too, so I need a little break. She responded by stating that she was bored of feeling used by people, and was interrogating me about not liking her work, or her as a person, etc. She reacted badly, and said that she was really struggling financially too, but that isn't my fault, is it? She chose to accept the promotion and it's not my fault that her new schedule that doesn't fit around mine.

Somehow I've come out feeling that I've hurt her though. I did have a long session with my counsellor about it yesterday, who said that she is being very emotionally manipulative. I hate to think that my friend knows what she is doing though, but maybe I am being naïve? I am a perpetual people pleaser and have a tendency to try and rescue everyone. I am learning all about boundaries as well, before anyone points out that I have none. I know it haha! I'm going through therapy myself. I just don't know how to progress going forwards. I texted her after and asked if she was ok, but she read the message and ignored it. I really don't want to lose her as a friend, but am a fool in even thinking she's a friend...?

Argh

OP posts:
swanling · 03/06/2023 19:30

I don't know what's in her head. I do think it's perfectly possible for the effect of someone's behaviour to be perceived as "manipulative" without that being their intent. She might feel the same way about your actions.

thewinterqueen · 04/06/2023 19:39

That is true. I don't think she is knowingly manipulative, if manipulative at all.

OP posts:
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