Reaching out for help - medication not helping

[kizziee]

I'm so sorry to be sending this but really need a hand hold as feeling quite desperate.
Been off work for a couple of months.

I originally had pnd 20 yes ago. Got better but been on low dose tricyclic ever since. (Struggled withdrawing from seroxat originally and ended up on clomipramine.) Had horrible relapse of anxiety / panic / depression and on advice of Dr increased dose again.

Unfortunately this led to full anxiety (as in no sleep at all.) I've had this before on this medication at this dose but it's always improved after couple of weeks. Did this time and have been taking 3.75mg of zopiclone every other night which gives me 4-5 hours sleep.
Was so tired at weekend that took it three nights in a row.
Last night was first one to go back to alternate night and not surprisingly no sleep but also had really increased anxiety and what seemed like 'awake terrors.'

Usually on the nights when I don't sleep I can 'rest' and get myself just to accept it.

Had catch up with Dr this morning and they have said to reduce my AD dose slightly to see if this helps sleep. (Can't just keep taking sleeping tablets anyway.)

I can't stop crying today and feel so anxious and frightened. I feel that I've wasted the last couple of months. Feel back to day one.

Would just appreciate some reassurance that I can still get better.

That should say 'full insomnia' not full anxiety

Have a hug if you want one
You'll get better

Sounds like a review of meds is needed. What's their reason for keeping you on the tricyclic for so long? It may well be time to try something else. I know it's shitty faffing with pills but when you get the right one, it's all good.

Tell us more and there'll be lots of good advice here.

I was very well for a long time on the low dose of the tricyclic (was on 25mg and less for last 10 years or so) so when I had the relapse I think it was just thought that increasing that back up to 75mg was the most sensible first step.

I'm very sensitive to medications so knew the increase would be difficult but stuck with it thinking it would help resolve things. The continued insomnia has really complicated everything though.

Try maybe online therapy, someone professional to talk.
I was getting my sessions here: https://p-s-y.online/

They are passionate and truly helpful.

But what's the reason for taking a tricyclic for 20 years? Did they ever offer anything else? I find tricyclics to be complicated.

you mentioned PND so I was a bit confused, I've been medicated for 20+ years but pretty much classified as a long term depressive.

I thought your med suppressed deep sleep so a higher dose doesn't seem right but I'm not a doctor.

@EmmaEmerald sorry my message was confusing. I was on 25mg and less for 10 yrs - I stayed on it to try and prevent a relapse on the advice of Drs. But then a couple of months ago I had a horrible relapse of anxiety and depression so the Dr said to increase back to 75mg.
The increase led to the insomnia and the Dr has said to try a reduction back down to 50mg. Hope that makes sense.

I was given the tricyclic after I struggled to withdraw from an SSRI seroxat which is what I took for the PND originally.
Unfortunately I had the same withdrawal issues with the tricyclic despite very slow reductions do they advised staying on a low dose long term.

@BestofMeForNow thank you for posting the link. I have had cbt and also have sessions booked with a psychologist in case they help. In the past I've been told by a couple of psychologist that my symptoms seem more chemically linked rather than past issues.

Recovery is still possible, even if it feels challenging at the moment. It's positive that you've been seeking support from your doctor and making adjustments to your medication. These changes can take time to have an effect, and it's important to give yourself some patience and understanding during this process.
Remember that reaching out for help and discussing your concerns with your doctor is a crucial step in finding the right treatment approach for you. Your doctor can monitor your progress and make further adjustments if necessary.
In addition to medication, consider incorporating other coping strategies into your daily routine to support your well-being. This can include engaging in activities that bring you joy, practicing relaxation techniques such as deep breathing or mindfulness, maintaining a regular sleep schedule, and reaching out to supportive friends or loved ones.

Thank you @EmmaBarr
I think the insomnia side effect has had a really negative impact and not helped with all the self help things I was trying to do