Fear my DP will die

[BaiesRosesAmbre]

i think about my dp dying way too often. Every time we are enjoying ourselves, I think about when the day will eventually come where he will die. I get so sad, it’s like I want to protect him and keep him safe.

I don’t know why, I picture him going before me. We are late 20s, been together nearly 10 years.

This is such a horrid way to think and the fear is taking over.

I also feel this way about my dad. I used to feel it very strongly when I was growing up and he was traveling with work. I always thought he’d die in a car accident or in a plane crash.

what is this and how can I get rid of this feeling!

Oh and also my brother. The feeling of my brother dying fills me with absolute dread and can bring me to tears if I think about it. We aren’t even that close but the only thought of it is unbearable.

it’s weird how it’s all the men in my life…

I would hazard a guess that somewhere, back in your childhood, there was a sudden or unexpected death of a male family member or close friend - or maybe your mum was deeply affected by the death of a male celebrity. This set up a part of your subconscious mind to be on high alert and to keep it at the forefront of your mind, even though you know rationally that it's highly improbable that your husband will die before old age. Does this resonate with you?

I totally understand. To totally tip my anxiety over we know my partner is going to go blind in the near future and with a family history probably won't have a long life. however, nothing is guaranteed in this life and there is nothing to say he will go first. often you see people who are weak ill disabled etc outlive a partner happened lots of times in family relationships. the trouble is when you love someone you take on their pain their happiness their problems. if this is affecting your life a lot you maybe should go to see your GP to get some help but really enjoy each day as it comes

Sounds like irrational fear (anxiety), if it's lasted for a few months and it's not getting better you can try therapy. Anxiety can be treated and does get better.

Good luck

I have this, and then when the kids came along it was fears they'd die. It's anxiety, in my case my mum left when I was 3 so it's all related.

I accept the feeling, recognise it's my anxiety and try not to impose it on others (IE make them aware and change their plans to 'reassure' me as it doesn't work like that.

I also tell myself death is on the whole something we can't control so it's better to focus on doing the fun stuff we can whilst we can.

At its worst I wouldn't take the kids out (aged 3, 2, newborn) for fear I couldn't keep them safe and DH wouldn't get the tube as it would freak me too much. I then underwent CBT for PND (that had been undiagnosed) and it made s massive difference. Might be worth looking into it too?

I used to be like this with my partner. Anytime we were on holiday, having fun, I would think of him dying and often cry over it! It took over my whole life. We are only 30 now, and he has no obvious health issues or family history of anything. I still get it sometimes, like when he goes for a cycle or comes home from work late. Sounds pathetic I know
When I was a child/teenager I was like this with my grandad (he is still alive now at 95).
Weirdly since I had my son I just mostly worry about my own health. It is an awful feeling and I feel for you 💐

I understand this feeling very well. When I was a child I used to become very anxious about what might happen to my parents when they left the house. I used to feel sick with worry. This was around the time that the first mobile phones were becoming available. My folks each had a mobile and I would phone them from the house to check whether they were okay when they would leave to have breakfast, or when they'd go to the cinema. I drove them crazy with my anxiety and constantly checking up on them. They would scold me, shame me, tell my family and their friends what a nuisance it was, which only made me feel worse. It went away as I entered my early teens. A few years ago, my wife was out late one night and got quite drunk in the city with some friends. Usually she'd have been home for dinner so I phoned to ask where she was. She said she was having a good time and was planning to stay out later than usual, but would let me know what time she would be home.

Anyway, hours passed, I didn't hear anything. Eventually I phoned her only to hear her completely drunk and rather annoyed at me for wanting to know when she'd be home. It was nearly midnight and I was getting worried sick that something might happen to her as I didn't know where she was or who was looking out for her. I realised that there wasn't anything I could do. I took a walk around the block, came home and began having a panic attack, worrying - much as I did when I was a child - what would happen to my wife that night. When would she be home? Would she be safe? What could I do to prevent her from being harmed? It was horrible. Eventually, she got home after 1AM and her phone died as she walked through the door.

Since that night, I've had recurring fears of something happening to her, much as you described, every time she leaves the house. She doesn't go out much and doesn't really drink either, so that night was clearly an outlier. But it re-triggered whatever anxiety I had as a child and I've struggled to manage it for the past six or seven years.

Sorry for the long reply. That's all to say, I understand and can very much sympathise with what you're going through.