Feeling overwhelmed right now

[Spename84]

Past few weeks I’ve been waking up feeling really anxious and low. For no reason I just feel like crying. I feel drained. I feel like sometimes I want to be alone but I have 2 kids who need me to be there for them. I get anxious about the state of the house which right now is a huge mess. I have a sister who is very negative a lot of the time and can be quite hurtful. More than one occasion has told me I’m basically not a very good mother (even tho the kids are really good kids and we have a very close relationship) while she allows her son to hit my children and then shouts at my children for crying because she says it can’t have hurt because he’s younger than them. I have already started to see her less especially when the kids are there. I just feel like I have so much to give but I don’t have the energy if that makes sense.

Does anyone else feel this way? I feel guilty because I need to spend time alone instead of with the kids (they are 7 and 10) and I’m a single mother.

We often concern ourselves with trying too hard to make people like us. Low self-esteem and social anxiety generally comes from the perceived opinions of others on how we are doing or who we are, rather than our own assessment.

People will more often than not base how they feel about themselves on how much approval they receive from others, sometimes complete strangers who barely know anything about them or, in your case, your sister who is is very negative a lot of the time and can be quite hurtful.

However, just as we perceive certain people to be experts in certain areas, there is one subject in which we are all the world’s leading expert: ourselves.

Nobody else knows your story the way you do no matter how well they know you - no one else has been present in every single scene in the movie of your life. As such, nobody else’s opinion has the right to override your own about you. Even the people that know you best (partners, friends, relatives, colleagues) are all day 1 novices compared to what you know about you.

We wouldn’t accept the opinion of the novice over the expert in any other walk of life. Don’t do it with your own self opinion.
The opinions of others can be valuable at times but if they are directly in conflict with our own then on this particular subject their opinion can be dismissed. Any energy we might spend trying to keep others happy with who we are is inevitably wasted energy. There is only one person who needs to be happy with who you are...and that’s you.

Yeah, i feel low and anxious @Spename84 I hope you're feeling a bit better today. I'm feeling terrible.

Hi OP, reading your post it is completely understandable why you should feel drained, being a mother to 2 young children is draining and takes all our energy! Especially if you put the effort into being a good mother, which you do sound. However as @Eyesopenwideawake says the expert on yourself is you, such wise words. I am not surprised you want to see less of her, nobody needs all this negativity in their lives and we all need time to ourselves, just me, myself, I time to recharge. I hope you find a way to get some time, is there anyone you trust you can reach out to help?

Time alone is so important and nobody seems to be begrudged it more than us single mothers! There have been a couple of threads about this recently and believe me, there's nothing unusual in wanting a bit of me time. Question is, do you get it?

As for your sister, that's hurtful as you obviously hope for a very different kind of relationship. I'd advise you to keep on as you are doing, withdrawing from her as much as you can. Negative people are such a drain on one's energy, no wonder you feel you don't have enough.

to you and @howdoipullmyselftogether and anyone else who's low and anxious and reading this.

It's always insightful to read your wise words @Eyesopenwideawake, thankingyou xxx