Feel so down, feel like giving up

[Touty]

I’ve just been feeling really low, I feel no joy or hope for the future. I am living abroad and not happy, nearly 50. I don’t feel I have anywhere else to go, my partner, who I moved here for doesn’t understand my unhappiness, or maybe doesn’t want to understand it, he seems happy in his own world, with his job etc, but what about me?

I just feel so low, I really feel like ending it all. All my life it has been a constant struggle and I’ve just had enough.

Your happiness is equally important as your partner's.

You have 50 years experience of living and you have dealt with everything life has thrown at you so far, and survived. Remember that.

Discounting all the negatives - where would you like to be and what would you do there?

You see , I don’t really feel that I have lived 50 years, I’ve just existed.

I can’t give aplace where I would want to be, I do t know where that place is.

Just wanted to say hi so that you know you’re not alone. As PP has already stated, you’ve already navigated the complexities of life so far and you have so much to look forward to. Please do not lose hope 🌸.

@mumsnet can hopefully provide you with some signposting information.

I’m sorry you’re feeling so low, it really is a horrible place to be mentally.

I know it’s hard to be motivated when everything seems so bleak. Try to do things for yourself, that make you happy, if your partner isn’t being forthcoming with support for you. I know this won’t seem easy just now though. But it's never to late to make a change and to start putting yourself first, doing things that you enjoy.

Are there any groups you could join to meet new people and make new friends where you live? Are there places you can go and be outside and be in nature where you live? Being outside and connecting with nature once a day, even just going for a 15 minute walk. Do you have friends or family back at home who you can reach out to and let them know how you’re feeling?

I know these are such small suggestions and not on par with how you’re feeling. Just know there are people who do care about you and do want you to succeed.

I hear you. You are in a dark place right now and you can't imagine the possibility of any light in the future. But there is a light switch in that room, somewhere within your reach. I don't know where your switch is but you will find it. Maybe it's at a local cafe, or the train station with a ticket in your hand, or here on MN with the collective wisdom of people who absolutely understand how you feel. Start looking for it.

I'm sorry you are feeling this way. I know how it feels to feel that low. All I can say is that your loved ones would be devastated if you were to end it, trust me. You are loved, even if you can't see it right now.
I understand you've not had a happy life, but it's never too late for things to change... we have to take control of situations that are making us unhappy, even if it means walking away and trying something else.
Be proud of yourself for surviving every awful thing to have happened in your life so far. Don't give up on yourself now x

It’s as if I feel that all the trauma, stress etc has not gone away and even at 50 I still feel not good enough, not worthy enough. I am not enough. I’ve failed to make a life for myself- whatever I’ve tried to change things or mix it up etc, move places and countries it has never been enough to give me peace in my head. I don’t have delusions of grandeur, I just want peace of mind, with a stable, contented life.

But you've tried to make things work, and that takes so much strength and courage. Give yourself credit for being able to push yourself out of your comfort zones and completely change things up in your life in the attempt of trying to find happiness.
You're not a failure, and you are worthy.
Would you consider therapy? If you have unresolved trauma, that's something you may need guided support in order to help you work through. It's unreal just how much trauma can affect us and dictate our lives. You can see your trauma is a huge problem in your life, and it's absolutely amazing that you can recognise and acknowledge that. The next step is trying to find a way to work through that.
There is hope on the other side of that.
From what I can see, you're a brave person who is not afraid of making huge life changes in the search for happiness. You're honest. You're self aware. You're brave. But you're also not kind enough to yourself. You deserve the kind of love and support you would give to the person you love most in the world. You deserve to receive that love and support from yourself.
Everything in life is temporary, including these dark thoughts and feelings. Ride it out, things can and will change xx

I still feel not good enough, not worthy enough

Have a read of this;

https://www.betterrelationships.org.au/well-being/core-beliefs-self-acceptance/

I tried to talk to my partner tonight about how unhappy I am, I said I feel as if I’ve no life here, that I wanted companionship from him and for us to do activities together, I’ve said all this before but he’s a workaholic, he listened but said nothing.

I just feel so low.

Found this online - hope it offers some comfort!

As someone who has moved to another country to be in a relationship, I understand how difficult it is to find happiness and stability. I'm very sorry to hear that you've not found happiness by moving abroad to be with your partner. It sounds from what you've described that you and your partner want different things. It can be extremely difficult to parse out your own needs from your partner's, particuarly when your life is in a sense dependent on theirs because you've left your own country and support network behind.

It might help to reflect on why you chose to move in the first place. What were you hoping to find by moving abroad? Was it the country/place that you moved to that first motivated your decision, or was it to be with your partner? What did you imagine your life to look like, and why do you feel that your life hasn't turned out the way you wished it would?

While it may seem romantic and adventurous to move abroad and start a new life with your partner, in reality it's extremely taxing. I don't think a lot of people understand how difficult it is to live away from your own family and friends and almost become dependent on one person for your support and companionship in a new country. I sympathise deeply with your situation and hope that you find some answers as to why you are so unhappy at this point in your life. If it helps at all, I have found that over time my situation has improved the longer I've lived abroad, but it's been a long and at times very difficult journey.

It's hard for him to understand your POV when he lives a different life in a way, while I hear you struggle and would like some gentleness and understanding.

Myself, I fight so much to feel good and do well but there are always peaks and valleys. Days when there's little to no joy and perhaps wishing for suffering to end.

I suppose your DP doesn't understand your unhappiness and wishing you to have stability, a peace of mind, and a place where you belong. But a lot if us understand you more than you can imagine, and we want you to feel good and safe x