How can I stop overthinking things?

[BlueRabbitYellow]

Just that really. I go over and over scenarios in my head, 50 or 60 times isn't unusual. Even simple stuff like decluttering a drawer. It's like I've done something so many times in my head, I'm exhausted without even having achieved anything. And bigger things such as finding a pet for the kids or applying for a new job or getting works done to the house, well forget that. Am I waiting for permission? For a 'grown up' to tell me it's OK? Am I lazy? A perfectionist? I don't know. How do I move forward and stop overthinking? It holds me back so much. Thank you
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Overthinking can be a trauma response. A way of trying to protect yourself that unfortunately doesn’t do that. I have found EDMR really useful.

Am I waiting for permission? For a 'grown up' to tell me it's OK? Am I lazy? A perfectionist?

Could be any of the above - but your first two choices are interesting. Did you have a strict upbringing? Did you worry about making mistakes because of the potential consequences?

Knowing that everything will be ok whether you overthink or not is helpful.

Are you anxious about the things you're thinking about? Even if it seems silly to be anxious about clearing out a drawer, is the feeling there nonetheless?

It could well be linked to trauma. Although I've always been this way inclined, but it has been much worse recently. My brother has been very sick with a traumatic head injury. He was close to dying. Thankfully he survived but his life is changed. Mine too, as we've always been very close. It's been so difficult. I don't know about the EDMR. I had to Google it! I'm not sure my brain can take on more learning tbh. I'm pleased it's working for you though.

Yes and yes. I did have a strict upbringing. Very loving, but strict.

I agree! Anxiety is there, but I can't even get started sometimes. Is that anxiety?

What is it that stops you when you can't start?

OK. So what's possibly happening here is that there's a part of your subconscious that's not got the memo that you're an adult now and responsible for your own actions. It's not doing this to thwart or upset you - it is working on the (outdated) basis that you DO still need 'permission' because if you get something wrong you'll be told off, so it's trying to protect you from negative consequences. Have a look at my AMA, as this is something that's easy to fix.

I think it's the thought of being overwhelmed maybe? I get stressed over too much visual clutter and having too much 'stuff' that I need to deal with.

Thank you. I'll take a look.

Create a container. Set some music going (I find binaural beats tracks helpful - on YouTube), set a timer, short as you like, even 1-5 mins. Then do it. Then stop. It can help to kick off with finishable tasks e.g. paying a bill, clearing out of date stuff from a drawer etc.

So it is anxiety. What would happen if you failed, when you were a kid?