Dealing with the negativity of others

[Orangesandlemons77]

I have done some CBT and mindfulness stuff and I also take ADs.

I am finding it helpful with my own thoughts but I struggle more with other people's negativity and some comments said by others can stay with me for ages. I find myself getting angry and fixating on the comments.

Does this resonate with anyone else?

In particular I struggle with MIL. Who can be rude and dismissive and make unhelpful un-asked for comments.

I have used some advice online about techniques such as 'grey rock' where you basically just talk about things like the weather etc which does help a bit.

But I still find it hard to move on from comments and find myself taking things personally.

I wonder if it is because my own mother was the same growing up (we are no longer in contact) and it reminds me of that.

Yes, and you’re right to recognise that it stays with you because of the way your mother is. I find myself getting really bothered by people with a ‘woe is me’ attitude/ presenting things as worse than they are because it’s how my father is. More counselling may help- not CBT but talk therapy. Mine is mixed up with abuse so rather than CBT I had trauma therapy, but now I see a counsellor every 2 weeks to get at the bits that still bother me. Talking it through does help.

Thanks for the reply, yes I agree counselling or talking about it might be helpful.

I also find reminding myself 'thoughts (or comments) are not facts' but simply one person's opinions / their thoughts spoken aloud.

I also try and remind myself that sometimes the intention behind the words may be good, (although not always) and also that it comes from a place of limited experience at times / or their own life experience.

It's still hard though, keeping going with the grey rock thing when you are actually going through a difficult time.

But it also helps to have a couple of trusted friends to share the reality with and being careful about what you share and with whom.

Sometimes unexpected people e.g. an elderly neighbour I have become friends with can become unexpected allies.