Just About to get out of bed today.

[Squeaky2023]

My 19 year old was arrested and held in custody over a road rage incident. It was in the street with 3 police cars. He was held in custody overnight.
I am just talking myself into getting out of bed, but I am so tired and low. He's always been challenging and I've always wondered how he would cope without us, independently. No SN diagnosed.
I'm 50 and I am not coping. I thought it would be easier as they got older, but I'm struggling with his bigger and more serious problems now.
I want to hide from the world. I've been unable to go into work this weekend. I don't know how to get better.

Son is now seeing a Therapist who has told him to express his feelings to me, so I had some terrible texts from him about what a shit mum I am last weekend.
I walked away from a discussion with him last night and he followed me. My husband is trying to keep the peace but is acting like son's flying monkey.
Son is suicidal and full of criticism for me, forgetting his own actions.
If they are mentioned, he says that he will kill himself.
I have nowhere to go, I feel abused and I feel that my husband is colluding in it because of the risk towards son.
I want to leave. We've got a younger teenage in the house, living with the toxicity.

I feel your son is trying to use you as an excuse for his behaviour. You did not make him have the road rage incident. Your partner is not helping either but will be afraid of your son's suicide threats? Is there anywhere you can go and stay for a few days with your other child? A family member or friend? Some distance away for everyone will help. Don't read your son's texts, I know ....easier said than done. It sounds like you could do with some counselling too.

Thanks for replying.
He did attempt to take his own life last weekend. He is very remorseful about his behaviour and ATM, I just want him alive and to get better. It's very hard on all of us.