Husband sectioned- refusing meds in hospital

[grandiflora1]

My bipolar husband was sectioned by the Gp and myself after a very manic period of time and after refusing to see his Gp. He was also arrested after coming to the attention of police. When arrested he made threats to kill me. He is now in psychiatric care but refuses to have any information shared with me and made another member of his family the next of kin-Completely shutting me out. he is also refusing medication. I’m very traumatised by the whole experience. This happened before some years ago where he was sectioned and blamed me and shut me out for several months and I had no input into his care or aftercare. This episode he was very aggressive and made threats about me to police. I’m wondering if anyone else has experienced this ? I seem to be the target of his rage and after the threats against me this makes me very frightened for the future. I need some advice and support please from people who’ve experienced this. Thanks

This must be very traumatic for you. I’m assuming that the other person he has nominated as NOK will keep you informed about whats going on? I’m surprised that as he has been sectioned, which I assume means he doesn’t currently have capacity to make some decisions, the hospital will not communicate with you.
How do you feel about him coming back to live with you? If this is something you cannot see happening because of your concerns about his threats, then you absolutely have the right to let his psychiatrist know this is the case. His treatment will no doubt include a transition period for him to return home. You need to be sure what that might look like for your own peace of mind.

I do not have personal experience in this but I do work in a mental health hospital. So sorry to hear of what you're going through and I'm glad you've managed to get your husband help. It is not uncommon for patients who are unwell and lacking insight to decline information sharing. This does mean typically that the hospital cannot give you information about your DH's treatment and progress but it does not mean you cannot communicate with them. I imagine the team would be very grateful to hear from you re. how he has been, previous episodes etc. Refusing medication is also very common. I cannot comment on your DH's specific case but often we will have a period of monitoring and observation (if safe) and continue offering oral medications, but IM (injection) medications against a patient's will may be needed if they are unsafe and still refusing medication. This is always done in the least restrictive manner possible and for the shortest time possible. With time and medication, his MH should stabilise and insight return. If you are worried about your future please raise this with the hospital so plans can be made.

If he has been sectioned as an involuntary patient for mania if he won't take oral meds and he needs them they can give him injectable options.
You do probably let the treating team about your fear of his threats to you, so they dont just discharge him to your care without discussion

Just to add - it is completely understandable that you are feeling traumatised. In my experience, the medical / nursing teams would be very happy to chat to you about your experience, even if they cannot provide information about DH. I'm sure the GP who was involved would also be very keen to support you. Please look after yourself .

Hi everyone, thanks for the replies. It’s a waking nightmare at the mo, not knowing how long his mania will last and also if he will ever get an insight into what has happened.. I’m not sure he fully accepts his diagnosis and may not have been compliant with his meds.. I’m also not sure going forward I could forgive him for what he has put us through and how he shut me out. I have expressed my concerns via his next of kin. the anger towards me that I find most upsetting..

any other advice to cope with this would be welcomed

@grandiflora1 . Have you managed to speak to your GP or to the hospital team? Recovery is not quick and practically there will probably not be much they can do but I think having a chance to have a bit of a debrief and to clarify some logistical points about the future (e.g. concerns about being back around DH) will be really helpful to you. Have you got family / friend support? I know Mind has some information on "coping as a carer" that might be useful.

Do you want to stay with your DH, @grandiflora1 ?

im asking because you do not have to live like this. I know vows are made which talk about sickness and health but there has to be a limit. Can you access therapy or counselling? Even a ten minute debrief with the GP who sectioned him.

I have been in this position more times than I care to remember, and I wish I’d had the courage to say enough is enough earlier.

Sending strength and love to you from sunny Hertfordshire.

Also @grandiflora1, as you're probably aware, things will not move quickly at all. You have plenty of time to breath, reflect and think about the future you want.

I don't have direct experience of this, but I do know several people with partners who have serious and enduring mental health issues. I mean this kindly, but sometimes you have to prioritise your own health above that of your partner. I've met many who reach a point where separation is best for both. Many years ago a friend did just that as she could not cope with her husband, who had bi-polar disorder and when manic would just spend every penny they had, and more.
Please take care of yourself, seek counselling and lean on others IRL. It's very hard for the family of anyone who has a chronic health issue and you are entitled to seek help and use it for yourself.

I have bipolar disorder. It sounds like you DH has mania with psychosis. Therefore his thoughts now are not a true reflection of him or reality. So don't take it personally that he is shutting you out. Although it must feel hurtful. Just give him the space he needs to get stable again. He may be refusing meds, but once sectioned the medics have the power to force him to take medication. So one way or another he will get the treatment he needs. One of the aspects of mania that I have experienced is an inability to see that there is a problem. When I have experienced mania I have felt on cloud nine, so why would I think something is wrong when I am feeling so great. This then causes conflict between the manic person and those trying to highlight there is a problem. It is difficult, but be kind to yourself, and be patient. GL

The fact that your H has been sectioned means that you now have some breathing space to decide what you want to do and start getting yourself organised, without interference from him. Try to look on this hospitalisation as a positive thing for you - he is safely out of the way for now and this is your opportunity to rest and regroup.

If there is even a small possibility of you walking away from the marriage at the end of this, then it is surely worth seeing a solicitor and getting some proper advice about how to proceed in terms of separating your finances and so on. This is the time to assemble all your paperwork - bank statements etc. Even if you decide to stay together, it won't do any harm to at least explore your options.
If it was a one-off episode of illness, you might be able to put it behind you, but from what you have said, it sounds as though he didn't really fully recover from the first time, and this is likely to be a recurring pattern.

Personally, I don't know if I could ever feel safe and comfortable again around someone who had made such serious threats against me, even if they were due to mental illness. Sadly, people do get killed by loved ones in the grip of psychosis. You don't have to live the rest of your life tied to someone who, through no fault of their own, makes you terrified and miserable. He is no longer the man you married.

Well you didn't section him. His risky behaviour to himself or others would have led to that. You may have nudged things along but if he came to the attention of the police on his own, he probably would have been assessed sooner or later anyway. The staff in the hospital will know that and will be able to make that clear to him while he's getting better.

He sounds like a very real danger to you, OP. I’m sorry, it must be terrifying. Will his other relative keep you informed?

Yes his relatives have been keeping me informed. However when he is unwell he can be difficult to treat and as he’s refusing meds it will drag the process out even more although I’m glad of the head space to be honest. We have children and I need to prepare for when he is better and will want to see them. I’m really not sure about our future together- he doesn’t seem to accept his illness and I suspect he doesn’t take his meds as prescribed. He had also never let me be part of his aftercare after his last episode. I’ve been shut out in every way- and I’m the most affected by it when he gets ill. it’s a very difficult issue to deal with and we cannot go forward in any way if he doesn’t accept his illness, take his meds and allow me to point out or raise the issue to him when I think he is becoming manic. In the past when I’ve pointed out that he was manic or becoming manic- he would be very angry , defensive and threaten that we were finished.. this has made it extremely difficult to get through to him- he seems to have no awareness or insight into it at all.. I’ve been a silent observer this time as his mood became more manic and was afraid to say anything..

I think his refusal to accept his diagnosis, his refusal to engage with drug therapy, his focus on you when he is in an ‘episode’ and his threats to you and your well-being, suggest to me, as hard as it will be, this is a relationship you must end. For various reasons.

You are linked by children, but his refusal to engage with treatment means you will, by no longer being in a relationship with him and sharing a dwelling, be able to protect your children from him. If he chooses to engage properly and becomes well, then it will form a safer foundation for him to reform a relationship with them. Currently, he’s too unwell.

I think for your own well-being, distance form him, the relationship and his illness would be beneficial.

But that is of course, only my opinion, albeit based on experience.

I do have some experience of people with serious and enduring mental health issues refusing to accept the diagnosis. I won't say too much but the person in question was sectioned, came out into the community and then decided to self medicate by means of other drugs. I find it to be very common, just from those I know.
Please OP think of yourself and your children first. I know that women often want to fix people, make them better, but if the other party won't accept the diagnosis or treatment, then you can't make it better. As hard as it is, you might have to accept that he will go his own way.

My OH is currently sectioned following a psychotic episode. I can't imagine how difficult this is for you, as I haven't experienced the alienation and threats that you have - even in the context of him being unwell it must be immensely hurtful and scary. How long did his mania last for before he was eventually sectioned?

I would ask the relatives who do have contact with the hospital to find out if there is a social worker attached to his ward team and, if so help to broker contact for you with them - they need to know the family context, especially as there is a long term relationship and children involved - and should be able to support and signpost you, and help work through the best plan for the future, even if the clinical team can't communicate directly with you about his care.

I agree with what others have said about taking time and space to regroup and care for yourself and your children. Nothing will happen quickly!

I imagine things will change as he becomes stable and gains more insight, and you aren't in any danger now so you don't need to do anything hasty.

Thanks to all for your support. It’s very difficult as I have been with him for a long time and when he’s well he is a good man and father. It’s just this episode was worse than ones before and I can’t seem to be able to help him put the brakes on when he is becoming manic. I’m also shocked at how he directs all his rage at me and is so difficult when admitted re resisting meds and threatening to sue the staff there.. I wish he would just take his meds and gain insight… properly this time..

it sounds like this could be a good time to think about the future, the social worker sounds like a good idea.

It sounds like a very scary situation and I don’t blame you one bit about being cautious. The safety of you and your kids comes first. If he has no
insight , im
sorry to say that I think improvement may be slow.

You don't have to stay married if you don't want to. It makes no difference if he is normally nice or normally not nice, the fact is that there is a risk that he will sometimes be like this. You don't have to justify your decision or give people reasons or have reasons that others approve.